little dorrit-信丽(英文版)-第87章

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consent；　fifty　times　a　day；　to　save　you　a　moment's　heart…ache；　Little
Dorrit。'

She　had　taken　courage　now；　and　answered；　far　more　in　her　usual　manner；
'You　are　so　good！　But　even　if　there　was　nothing　else　in　it　to　be　sorry
for　and　ashamed　of；　it　is　such　a　bad　return　to　you……'

'Hush！'　said　Clennam；　smiling　and　touching　her　lips　with　his　hand。
'Forgetfulness　in　you　who　remember　so　many　and　so　much；　would　be　new
indeed。　Shall　I　remind　you　that　I　am　not；　and　that　I　never　was；　anything
but　the　friend　whom　you　agreed　to　trust？　No。　You　remember　it；　don't
you？'

'I　try　to　do　so；　or　I　should　have　broken　the　promise　just　now；　when　my
mistaken　brother　was　here。　You　will　consider　his　bringing…up　in　this
place；　and　will　not　judge　him　hardly；　poor　fellow；　I　know！'　In　raising
her　eyes　with　these　words；　she　observed　his　face　more　nearly　than　she
had　done　yet；　and　said；　with　a　quick　change　of　tone；　'You　have　not　been
ill；　Mr　Clennam？'

'No。'

'Nor　tried？　Nor　hurt？'　she　asked　him；　anxiously。

It　fell　to　Clennam　now；　to　be　not　quite　certain　how　to　answer。　He　said
in　reply：

'To　speak　the　truth；　I　have　been　a　little　troubled；　but　it　is　over。

Do　I　show　it　so　plainly？　I　ought　to　have　more　fortitude　and　self…mand
than　that。　I　thought　I　had。　I　must　learn　them　of　you。　Who　could　teach　me
better！'

He　never　thought　that　she　saw　in　him　what　no　one　else　could　see。　He
never　thought　that　in　the　whole　world　there　were　no　other　eyes　that
looked　upon　him　with　the　same　light　and　strength　as　hers。

'But　it　brings　me　to　something　that　I　wish　to　say；'　he　continued；　'and
therefore　I　y　own　face　for　telling　tales
and　being　unfaithful　to　me。　Besides；　it　is　a　privilege　and　pleasure　to
confide　in　my　Little　Dorrit。　Let　me　confess　then；　that；　forgetting　how
grave　I　was；　and　how　old　I　was；　and　how　the　time　for　such　things　had
gone　by　me　with　the　many　years　of　sameness　and　little　happiness　that
made　up　my　long　life　far　away；　without　marking　it……that；　forgetting　all
this；　I　fancied　I　loved　some　one。'

'Do　I　know　her；　sir？'　asked　Little　Dorrit。

'No；　my　child。'

'Not　the　lady　who　has　been　kind　to　me　for　your　sake？'

'Flora。　No；　no。　Do　you　think……'

'I　never　quite　thought　so；'　said　Little　Dorrit；　more　to　herself　than
him。　'I　did　wonder　at　it　a　little。'

'Well！'　said　Clennam；　abiding　by　the　feeling　that　had　fallen　on　him　in
the　avenue　on　the　night　of　the　roses；　the　feeling　that　he　was　an
older　man；　who　had　done　with　that　tender　part　of　life；　'I　found　out　my
mistake；　and　I　thought　about　it　a　little……in　short；　a　good　deal……and　got
wiser。　Being　wiser；　I　counted　up　my　years　and　considered　what　I　am；　and
looked　back；　and　looked　forward；　and　found　that　I　should　soon　be　grey。　I
found　that　I　had　climbed　the　hill；　and　passed　the　level　ground　upon　the
top；　and　was　descending　quickly。'

If　he　had　known　the　sharpness　of　the　pain　he　caused　the　patient　heart；
in　speaking　thus！　While　doing　it；　too；　with　the　purpose　of　easing　and
serving　her。

'I　found　that　the　day　when　any　such　thing　would　have　been　graceful　in
me；　or　good　in　me；　or　hopeful　or　happy　for　me　or　any　one　in　connection
with　me；　was　gone；　and　would　never　shine　again。'

O！　If　he　had　known；　if　he　had　known！　If　he　could　have　seen　the　dagger　in
his　hand；　and　the　cruel　wounds　it　struck　in　the　faithful　bleeding　breast
of　his　Little　Dorrit！

'All　that　is　over；　and　I　have　turned　my　face　from　it。　Why　do　I　speak　of
this　to　Little　Dorrit？　Why　do　I　show　you；　my　child；　the　space　of　years
that　there　is　between　us；　and　recall　to　you　that　I　have　passed；　by　the
amount　of　your　whole　life；　the　time　that　is　present　to　you？'

'Because　you　trust　me；　I　hope。　Because　you　know　that　nothing　can　touch
you　without　touching　me；　that　nothing　can　make　you　happy　or　unhappy；　but
it　must　make　me；　who　am　so　grateful　to　you；　the　same。'

He　heard　the　thrill　in　her　voice；　he　saw　her　earnest　face；　he　saw　her
clear　true　eyes；　he　sa　that　would　have　joyfully
thrown　itself　before　him　to　receive　a　mortal　wound　directed　at　his
breast；　with　the　dying　cry；　'I　love　him！'　and　the　remotest　suspicion
of　the　truth　never　dawned　upon　his　mind。　No。　He　saw　the　devoted　little
creature　with　her　worn　shoes；　in　her　mon　dress；　in　her　jail…home；　a
slender　child　in　body；　a　strong　heroine　in　soul；　and　the　light　of　her
domestic　story　made　all　else　dark　to　him。

'For　those　reasons　assuredly；　Little　Dorrit；　but　for　another　too。　So
far　removed；　so　different；　and　so　much　older；　I　am　the　better　fitted　for
your　friend　and　adviser。　I　mean；　I　am　the　more　easily　to　be　trusted；
and　any　little　constraint　that　you　might　feel　with　another；　may　vanish
before　me。　Why　have　you　kept　so　retired　from　me？　Tell　me。'

'I　am　better　here。　My　place　and　use　are　here。　I　am　much　better　here；'
said　Little　Dorrit；　faintly。

'So　you　said　that　day　upon　the　bridge。　I　thought　of　it　much　afterwards。
Have　you　no　secret　you　could　entrust　to　me；　with　hope　and　fort；　if
you　would！'

'Secret？　No；　I　have　no　secret；'　said　Little　Dorrit　in　some　trouble。

They　had　been　speaking　in　low　voices；　more　because　it　was　natural　to
what　they　said　to　adopt　that　tone；　than　with　any　care　to　reserve　it　from
Maggy　at　her　work。　All　of　a　sudden　Maggy　stared　again；　and　this　time
spoke：

'I　say！　Little　Mother！'

'Yes；　Maggy。'

'If　you　an't　got　no　secret　of　your　own　to　tell　him；　tell　him　that　about
the　Princess。　She　had　a　secret；　you　know。'

'The　Princess　had　a　secret？'　said　Clennam；　in　some　surprise。　'What
Princess　was　that；　Maggy？'

'Lor！　How　you　do　go　and　bother　a　gal　of　ten；'　said　Maggy；　'catching　the
poor　thing　up　in　that　way。　Whoever　said　the　Princess　had　a　secret？　_I_
never　said　so。'

'I　beg　your　pardon。　I　thought　you　did。'

'No；　I　didn't。　How　could　I；　when　it　was　her　as　wanted　to　find　it　out？　It
was　the　little　woman　as　had　the　secret；　and　she　was　always　a　spinning　at
her　wheel。　And　so　she　says　to　her；　why　do　you　keep　it　there？　And　so　the
t'other　one　says　to　her；　no　I　don't；　and　so　the　t'other　one　says　to　her；
yes　you　do；　and　then　they　both　goes　to　the　cupboard；　and　there　it　is。
And　she　wouldn't　go　into　the　Hospital；　and　so　she　died。　You　know；　Little
Mother；　tell　him　that。

For　it　was　a　reg'lar　good　secret；　that　was！'　cried　Maggy；　hugging
herself。

Arthur　looked　at　Little　Dorrit　for　help　to　prehend　this；　and　was
struck　by　seeing　her　so　timid　and　red。　But；　when　she　told　him　that　it
was　only　a　Fairy　Tale　she　had　one　day　made　up　for　Maggy；　and　that　there
was　nothing　in　it　which　she　wouldn't　be　ashamed　to　tell　again　to　anybody
else；　even　if　she　could　remember　it；　he　left　the　subject　where　it　was。

However；　he　returned　to　his　own　subject　by　first　entreating　her　to　see
him　oftener；　and　to　remember　that　it　was　impossible　to　have　a　stronger
interest　in　her　welfare　than　he　had；　or　to　be　more　set　upon　promoting　it
than　he　was。　When　she　answered　fervently；　she　well　knew　that；　she　never
forgot　it；　he　touched　upon　his　second　and　more　delicate　point……the
suspicion　he　had　formed。

'Little　Dorrit；'　he　said；　taking　her　hand　again；　and　speaking　lower　than
he　had　spoken　yet；　so　that　even　Maggy　in　the　small　room　could　not　hear
him；　'another　word。　I　have　wanted　very　much　to　say　this　to　you；　I　have
tried　for　opportunities。　Don't　mind　me；　who；　for　the　matter　of　years；
might　be　your　father　or　your　uncle。　Always　think　of　me　as　quite　an
old　man。　I　know　that　all　your　devotion　centres　in　this　room；　and
that　nothing　to　the　last　will　ever　tempt　you　away　from　the　duties　you
discharge　here。　If　I　were　not　sure　of　it；　I　should；　before　now；　have
implored　you；　and　implored　your　father；　to　let　me　make　some　provision
for　you　in　a　more　suitable　place。　But　you　may　have　an　interest……I　will
not　say；　now；　though　even　that　might　be……may　have；　at　another　time；
an　interest　in　some　one　else；　an　interest　not　inpatible　with　your
affection　here。'

She　was　very；　very　pale；　and　silently　shook　her　head。

'It　may　be；　dear　Little　Dorrit。'

'No。　No。　No。'　She　shook　her　head；　after　each　slow　repetition　of
the　word；　with　an　air　of　quiet　desolation　that　he　remembered　long
afterwards。　The　time　came　when　he　remembered　it　well；　long　afterwards；
within　those　prison　walls；　within　that　very　room。

'But；　if　it　ever　should　be；　tell　me　so；　my　dear　child。　Entrust　the　truth
to　me；　point　out　the　object　of　such　an　interest　to　me；　and　I　will　try
with　all　the　zeal；　and　honour；　and　friendship　and　respect　that　I　feel
for　you；　good　Little　Dorrit　of　my　heart；　to　do　you　a　lasting　service。'

'O　thank　you；　thank　you！　But；　O　no；　O　no；　O　no！'　She　said　this；　looking
at　him　with　her　work…worn　hands　folded　together；　and　in　the　same
resigned　accents　as　before。

'I　press　for　no　confidence　now。　I　only　ask　you　to　repose　unhesitating
trust　in　me。'

'Can　I　do　less　than　that；　when　you　are　so　good！'

'Then　you　will　trust　me　fully？　Will　have　no　secret　unhappiness；　or
anxiety；　concealed　from　me？'

'Almost　none。'

'And　you　have　none　now？'

She　shook　her　head。　But　she　was　very　pale。

'When　I　lie　down　to…night；　and　my　thoughts　e　back……as　they　will；　for
they　do　every　night；　even　when　I　have　not　seen　you……to　this　sad　place；　I
may　believe　that　there　is　no　grief　beyond　this　room；　now；　and　its　usual
occupants；　which　preys　on　Little　Dorrit's　mind？'

She　seemed　to　catch　at　these　words……that　he　remembered；　too；　long
afterwards……and　said；　more　brightly；　'Yes；　Mr　Clennam；　yes；　you　may！'

The　crazy　staircase；　usually　not　slow　to　give　notice　when　any　one　was
ing　up　or　down；　here　creaked　under　a　quick　tread；　and　a　further　sound
was　heard　upon　it；　as　if　a　little　steam…engine　with　more　steam　than　it
knew　what　to　do　with；　were　working　towards　the　room。　As　it　approached；
which　it　did　very　rapidly；　it　laboured　with　increased　energy；　and；
after　knocking　at　the　door；　it　sounded　as　if　it　were　stooping　down　and
snorting　in　at　the　keyhole。

Before　Maggy　could　open　the　door；　Mr　Pancks；　opening　it　from　without；
stood　without　a　hat　and　with　his　bare　head　in　the　wildest　condition；
looking　at　Clennam　and　Little　Dorrit；　over　her　shoulder。

He　had　a　lighted　cigar　in　his　hand；　and　brought　with　him　airs　of　ale　and
tobacco　smoke。

'Pancks　the　gipsy；'　he　observed　out　of　breath；　'fortune…telling。'　He
stood　dingily　smiling；　and　breathing　hard　at　them；　with　a　most　curious
air；