The Rainbow-虹(英文版)-第4章

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


as　ever；　his　face　just　as　fresh；　his　appetite　just　as　keen。

Or　apparently　so。　He　had；　in　fact；　lost　some　of　his　buoyant
confidence；　and　doubt　hindered　his　outgoing。

For　some　time　after　this；　he　ore　conscious　when
he　drank；　more　backward　from　panionship。　The　disillusion　of
his　first　carnal　contact　with　woman；　strengthened　by　his　innate
desire　to　find　in　a　woman　the　embodiment　of　all　his
inarticulate；　powerful　religious　impulses；　put　a　bit　in　his
mouth。　He　had　something　to　lose　which　he　was　afraid　of　losing；
which　he　was　not　sure　even　of　possessing。　This　first　affair　did
not　matter　much：　but　the　business　of　love　was；　at　the　bottom　of
his　soul；　the　most　serious　and　terrifying　of　all　to　him。

He　was　tormented　now　with　sex　desire；　his　imagination
reverted　always　to　lustful　scenes。　But　what　really　prevented　his
returning　to　a　loose　woman；　over　and　above　the　natural
squeamishness；　was　the　recollection　of　the　paucity　of　the　last
experience。　It　had　been　so　nothing；　so　dribbling　and　functional；
that　he　was　ashamed　to　expose　himself　to　the　risk　of　a
repetition　of　it。

He　made　a　strong；　instinctive　fight　to　retain　his　native
cheerfulness　unimpaired。　He　had　naturally　a　plentiful　stream　of
life　and　humour；　a　sense　of　sufficiency　and　exuberance；　giving
ease。　But　now　it　tended　to　cause　tension。　A　strained　light　came
into　his　eyes；　he　had　a　slight　knitting　of　the　brows。　His
boisterous　humour　gave　place　to　lowering　silences；　and　days
passed　by　in　a　sort　of　suspense。

He　did　not　know　there　was　any　difference　in　him；　exactly；　for
the　most　part　he　was　filled　with　slow　anger　and　resentment。　But
he　knew　he　was　always　thinking　of　women；　or　a　woman；　day　in；　day
out；　and　that　infuriated　him。　He　could　not　get　free：　and　he　was
ashamed。　He　had　one　or　two　sweethearts；　starting　with　them　in
the　hope　of　speedy　development。　But　when　he　had　a　nice　girl；　he
found　that　he　was　incapable　of　pushing　the　desired　development。
The　very　presence　of　the　girl　beside　him　made　it　impossible。　He
could　not　think　of　her　like　that；　he　could　not　think　of　her
actual　nakedness。　She　was　a　girl　and　he　liked　her；　and　dreaded
violently　even　the　thought　of　uncovering　her。　He　knew　that；　in
these　last　issues　of　nakedness；　he　did　not　exist　to　her　nor　she
to　him。　Again；　if　he　had　a　loose　girl；　and　things　began　to
develop；　she　offended　him　so　deeply　all　the　time；　that　he　never
knew　whether　he　was　going　to　get　away　from　her　as　quickly　as
possible；　or　whether　he　were　going　to　take　her　out　of　inflamed
necessity。　Again　he　learnt　his　lesson：　if　he　took　her　it　was　a
paucity　which　he　was　forced　to　despise。　He　did　not　despise
himself　nor　the　girl。　But　he　despised　the　　result　in　him　of
the　experiencehe　despised　it　deeply　and　bitterly。

Then；　when　he　was　twentythree；　his　mother　died；　and　he　was
left　at　home　with　Effie。　His　mother's　death　was　another　blow　out
of　the　dark。　He　could　not　understand　it；　he　knew　it　was　no　good
his　trying。　One　had　to　submit　to　these　unforeseen　blows　that
e　unawares　and　leave　a　bruise　that　remains　and　hurts　whenever
it　is　touched。　He　began　to　be　afraid　of　all　that　which　was　up
against　him。　He　had　loved　his　mother。

After　this；　Effie　and　he　quarrelled　fiercely。　They　meant　a
very　great　deal　to　each　other；　but　they　were　both　under　a
strange；　unnatural　tension。　He　stayed　out　of　the　house　as　much
as　possible。　He　got　a　special　corner　for　himself　at　the　〃Red
Lion〃　at　Cossethay；　and　became　a　usual　figure　by　the　fire；　a
fresh；　fair　young　fellow　with　heavy　limbs　and　head　held　back；
mostly　silent；　though　alert　and　attentive；　very　hearty　in　his
greeting　of　everybody　he　knew；　shy　of　strangers。　He　teased　all
the　women；　who　liked　him　extremely；　and　he　was　very　attentive　to
the　talk　of　the　men；　very　respectful。

To　drink　made　him　quickly　flush　very　red　in　the　face；　and
brought　out　the　look　of　selfconsciousness　and　unsureness；
almost　bewilderment；　in　his　blue　eyes。　When　he　came　home　in　this
state　of　tipsy　confusion　his　sister　hated　him　and　abused　him；
and　he　went　off　his　head；　like　a　mad　bull　with　rage。

He　had　still　another　turn　with　a　lighto'love。　One
Whitsuntide　he　went　a　jaunt　with　two　other　young　fellows；　on
horseback；　to　Matlock　and　thence　to　Bakewell。　Matlock　was　at
that　time　just　being　a　famous　beautyspot；　visited　from
Manchester　and　from　the　Staffordshire　towns。　In　the　hotel　where
the　young　men　took　lunch；　were　two　girls；　and　the　parties　struck
up　a　friendship。

The　Miss　who　made　up　to　Tom　Brangwen；　then　twentyfour　years
old；　was　a　handsome；　reckless　girl　neglected　for　an　afternoon　by
the　man　who　had　brought　her　out。　She　saw　Brangwen　and　liked　him；
as　all　women　did；　for　his　warmth　and　his　generous　nature；　and
for　the　innate　delicacy　in　him。　But　she　saw　he　was　one　who　would
have　to　be　brought　to　the　scratch。　However；　she　was　roused　and
unsatisfied　and　made　mischievous；　so　she　dared　anything。　It
would　be　an　easy　interlude；　restoring　her　pride。

She　was　a　handsome　girl　with　a　bosom；　and　dark　hair　and　blue
eyes；　a　girl　full　of　easy　laughter；　flushed　from　the　sun；
inclined　to　wipe　her　laughing　face　in　a　very　natural　and　taking
manner。

Brangwen　was　in　a　state　of　wonder。　He　treated　her　with　his
chaffing　deference；　roused；　but　very　unsure　of　himself；　afraid
to　death　of　being　too　forward；　ashamed　lest　he　might　be　thought
backward；　mad　with　desire　yet　restrained　by　instinctive　regard
for　women　from　making　any　definite　approach；　feeling　all　the
while　that　his　attitude　was　ridiculous；　and　flushing　deep　with
confusion。　She；　however；　became　hard　and　daring　as　he　became
confused；　it　amused　her　to　see　him　e　on。

〃When　must　you　get　back？〃　she　asked。

〃I'm　not　particular；〃　he　said。

There　the　conversation　again　broke　down。

Brangwen's　panions　were　ready　to　go　on。

〃Art　min'；　Tom；〃　they　called；　〃or　art　for　stoppin'？〃

〃Ay；　I'm　min'；〃　he　replied；　rising　reluctantly；　an　angry
sense　of　futility　and　disappointment　spreading　over　him。

He　met　the　full；　almost　taunting　look　of　the　girl；　and　he
trembled　with　unusedness。

〃Shall　you　e　an'　have　a　look　at　my　mare；〃　he　said　to　her；
with　his　hearty　kindliness　that　was　now　shaken　with
trepidation。

〃Oh；　I　should　like　to；〃　she　said；　rising。

And　she　followed　him；　his　rather　sloping　shoulders　and　his
cloth　ridinggaiters；　out　of　the　room。　The　young　men　got　their
own　horses　out　of　the　stable。

〃Can　you　ride？〃　Brangwen　asked　her。

〃I　should　like　to　if　I　couldI　have　never　tried；〃　she
said。

〃e　then；　an'　have　a　try；〃　he　said。

And　he　lifted　her；　he　blushing；　she　laughing；　into　the
saddle。

〃I　s'll　slip　offit's　not　a　lady's　saddle；〃　she
cried。

〃Hold　yer　tight；〃　he　said；　and　he　led　her　out　of　the　hotel
gate。

The　girl　sat　very　insecurely；　clinging　fast。　He　put　a　hand　on
her　waist；　to　support　her。　And　he　held　her　closely；　he　clasped
her　as　in　an　embrace；　he　was　weak　with　desire　as　he　strode
beside　her。

The　horse　walked　by　the　river。

〃You　want　to　sit　straddleleg；〃　he　said　to　her。

〃I　know　I　do；〃　she　said。

It　was　the　time　of　very　full　skirts。　She　managed　to　get
astride　the　horse；　quite　decently；　showing　an　intent　concern　for
covering　her　pretty　leg。

〃It's　a　lot's　better　this　road；〃　she　said；　looking　down　at
him。

〃Ay；　it　is；〃　he　said；　feeling　the　marrow　melt　in　his　bones
from　the　look　in　her　eyes。　〃I　dunno　why　they　have　that
sidesaddle　business；　twistin'　a　woman　in　two。〃

〃Should　us　leave　you　thenyou　seem　to　be　fixed　up
there？〃　called　Brangwen's　panions　from　the　road。

He　went　red　with　anger。

〃Aydon't　worry；〃　he　called　back。

〃How　long　are　yer　stoppin'？〃　they　asked。

〃Not　after　Christmas；〃　he　said。

And　the　girl　gave　a　tinkling　peal　of　laughter。

〃All　rightbybye！〃　called　his　friends。

And　they　cantered　off；　leaving　him　very　flushed；　trying　to　be
quite　normal　with　the　girl。　But　presently　he　had　gone　back　to
the　hotel　and　given　his　horse　into　the　charge　of　an　ostler　and
had　gone　off　with　the　girl　into　the　woods；　not　quite　knowing
where　he　was　or　what　he　was　doing。　His　heart　thumped　and　he
thought　it　the　most　glorious　adventure；　and　was　mad　with　desire
for　the　girl。

Afterwards　he　glowed　with　pleasure。　By　Jove；　but　that　was
something　like！　He　＇stayed　the　afternoon　with　the　girl；　and＇
wanted　to　stay　the　night。　She；　however；　told　him　this　was　impossible：
her　own　man　would　be　back　by　dark；　and　she　must　be　with　him。
He；　Brangwen；　must　not　let　on　that　there　had　been　anything
between　them。

She　gave　him　an　intimate　smile；　which　made　him　feel　confused
and　gratified。

He　could　not　tear　himself　away；　though　he　had　promised　not　to
interfere　with　the　girl。　He　stayed　on　at　the　hotel　over　night。
He　saw　the　other　fellow　at　the　evening　meal：　a　small；
middleaged　man　with　irongrey　hair　and　a　curious　face；　like　a
monkey's；　but　interesting；　in　its　way　almost　beautiful。　Brangwen
guessed　that　he　was　a　foreigner。　He　was　in　pany　with　another；
an　Englishman；　dry　and　hard。　The　four　sat　at　table；　two　men　and
two　women。　Brangwen　watched　with　all　his　eyes。

He　saw　how　the　foreigner　treated　the　women　with　courteous
contempt；　as　if　they　were　pleasing　animals。　Brangwen's　girl　had
put　on　a　ladylike　manner；　but　her　voice　betrayed　her。　She　wanted
to　win　back　her　man。　When　dessert　came　on；　however；　the　little
foreigner　turned　round　from　his　table　and　calmly　surveyed　the
room；　like　one　unoccupied。　Brangwen　marvelled　over　the　cold；
animal　intelligence　of　the　face。　The　brown　eyes　were　round；
showing　all　the　brown　pupil；　like　a　monkey's；　and　just　calmly
looking；　perceiving　the　other　person　without　referring　to　him　at
all。　They　rested　on　Brangwen。　The　latter　marvelled　at　the　old
face　turned　round　on　him；　looking　at　him　without　considering　it
necessary　to　know　him　at　all。　The　eyebrows　of　the　round；
perceiving；　but　unconcerned　eyes　were　rather　high　up；　with
slight　wrinkles　above　them；　just　as　a　monkey's　had。　It　was　an
old；　ageless　face。

The　man　was　most　amazingly　a　gentleman　all　the　time；　an
aristocrat。　Brangwen　stared　fascinated。　The　girl　was　pushing　her
crumbs　about　on　the　cloth；　uneasily；　flushed　and　angry。

As　Brangwen　sat　motionless　in　the　hall　afterwards；　too　much
moved　and　lost　to　know　what　to　do；　the　little　stranger　came　up
to　him　with　a　beautiful　smile　and　manner；　offering　a　cigarette