The Rainbow-虹(英文版)-第57章

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The　Brangwens　shrank　from　applying　their　religion　to　their
own　immediate　actions。　They　wanted　the　sense　of　the　eternal　and
immortal；　not　a　list　of　rules　for　everyday　conduct。　Therefore
they　were　badlybehaved　children；　headstrong　and　arrogant；
though　their　feelings　were　generous。　They　had；
moreoverintolerable　to　their　ordinary　neighboursa
proud　gesture；　that　did　not　fit　with　the　jealous　idea　of　the
democratic　Christian。　So　that　they　were　always　extraordinary；
outside　of　the　ordinary。

How　bitterly　Ursula　resented　her　first　acquaintance　with
evangelical　teachings。　She　got　a　peculiar　thrill　from　the
application　of　salvation　to　her　own　personal　case。　〃Jesus　died
for　me；　He　suffered　for　me。〃　There　was　a　pride　and　a　thrill　in
it；　followed　almost　immediately　by　a　sense　of　dreariness。　Jesus
with　holes　in　His　hands　and　feet：　it　was　distasteful　to　her。　The
shadowy　Jesus　with　the　Stigmata：　that　was　her　own　vision。　But
Jesus　the　actual　man；　talking　with　teeth　and　lips；　telling　one
to　put　one's　finger　into　His　wounds；　like　a　villager　gloating　in
his　sores；　repelled　her。　She　was　enemy　of　those　who　insisted　on
the　humanity　of　Christ。　If　He　were　just　a　man；　living　in
ordinary　human　life；　then　she　was　indifferent。

But　it　was　the　jealousy　of　vulgar　people　which　must　insist　on
the　humanity　of　Christ。　It　was　the　vulgar　mind　which　would　allow
nothing　extrahuman；　nothing　beyond　itself　to　exist。　It　was　the
dirty；　desecrating　hands　of　the　revivalists　which　wanted　to　drag
Jesus　into　this　everyday　life；　to　dress　Jesus　up　in　trousers　and
frockcoat；　to　pel　Him　to　a　vulgar　equality　of　footing。　It
was　the　impudent　suburban　soul　which　would　ask；　〃What　would
Jesus　do；　if　he　were　in　my　shoes？〃

Against　all　this；　the　Brangwens　stood　at　bay。　If　any　one；　it
was　the　mother　who　was　caught　by；　or　who　was　most　careless　of
the　vulgar　clamour。　She　would　have　nothing　extrahuman。　She
never　really　subscribed；　all　her　life；　to　Brangwen's　mystical
passion。

But　Ursula　was　with　her　father。　As　she　became　adolescent；
thirteen；　fourteen；　she　set　more　and　more　against　her　mother's
practical　indifference。　To　Ursula；　there　was　something　callous；
almost　wicked　in　her　mother's　attitude。　What　did　Anna　Brangwen；
in　these　years；　care　for　God　or　Jesus　or　Angels？　She　was　the
immediate　life　of　today。　Children　were　still　being　born　to　her；
she　was　throng　with　all　the　little　activities　of　her　family。　And
almost　instinctively　she　resented　her　husband's　slavish　service
to　the　Church；　his　dark；　subject　hankering　to　worship　an　unseen
God。　What　did　the　unrevealed　God　matter；　when　a　man　had　a　young
family　that　needed　fettling　for？　Let　him　attend　to　the　immediate
concerns　of　his　life；　not　go　projecting　himself　towards　the
ultimate。

But　Ursula　was　all　for　the　ultimate。　She　was　always　in　revolt
against　babies　and　muddled　domesticity。　To　her　Jesus　was　another
world；　He　was　not　of　this　world。　He　did　not　thrust　His　hands
under　her　face　and；　pointing　to　His　wounds；　say：

〃Look；　Ursula　Brangwen；　I　got　these　for　your　sake。　Now　do　as
you're　told。〃

To　her；　Jesus　was　beautifully　remote；　shining　in　the
distance；　like　a　white　moon　at　sunset；　a　crescent　moon　beckoning
as　it　follows　the　sun；　out　of　our　ken。　Sometimes　dark　clouds
standing　very　far　off；　pricking　up　into　a　clear　yellow　band　of
sunset；　of　a　winter　evening；　reminded　her　of　Calvary；　sometimes
the　full　moon　rising　bloodred　upon　the　hill　terrified　her　with
the　knowledge　that　Christ　was　now　dead；　hanging　heavy　and　dead
upon　the　Cross。

On　Sundays；　this　visionary　world　came　to　pass。　She　heard　the
long　hush；　she　knew　the　marriage　of　dark　and　light　was　taking
place。　In　church；　the　Voice　sounded；　reechoing　not　from　this
world；　as　if　the　Church　itself　were　a　shell　that　still　spoke　the
language　of　creation。

〃The　Sons　of　God　saw　the　daughters　of　men　that　they　were
fair：　and　they　took　them　wives　of　all　which　they　chose。

〃And　the　Lord　said；　My　spirit　shall　not　always　strive　with
Man；　for　that　he　also　is　flesh；　yet　his　days　shall　be　an　hundred
and　twenty　years。

〃There　were　giants　in　the　earth　in　those　days；　and　also　after
that；　when　the　Sons　of　God　came　in　unto　the　daughters　of　men；
and　they　bare　children　unto　them；　the　same　became　mighty　men
which　were　of　old；　men　of　renown。〃

Over　this　Ursula　was　stirred　as　by　a　call　from　far　off。　In
those　days；　would　not　the　Sons　of　God　have　found　her　fair；　would
she　not　have　been　taken　to　wife　by　one　of　the　Sons　of　God？　It
was　a　dream　that　frightened　her；　for　she　could　not　understand
it。

Who　were　the　sons　of　God？　Was　not　Jesus　the　only　begotten
Son？　Was　not　Adam　the　only　man　created　from　God？　Yet　there　were
men　not　begotten　by　Adam。　Who　were　these；　and　whence　did　they
e？　They　too　must　derive　from　God。　Had　God　many　offspring；
besides　Adam　and　besides　Jesus；　children　whose　origin　the
children　of　Adam　cannot　recognize？　And　perhaps　these　children；
these　sons　of　God；　had　known　no　expulsion；　no　ignominy　of　the
fall。

These　came　on　free　feet　to　the　daughters　of　men；　and　saw　they
were　fair；　and　took　them　to　wife；　so　that　the　women　conceived
and　brought　forth　men　of　renown。　This　was　a　genuine　fate。　She
moved　about　in　the　essential　days；　when　the　sons　of　God　came　in
unto　the　daughters　of　men。

Nor　would　any　parison　of　myths　destroy　her　passion　in　the
knowledge。　Jove　had　bee　a　bull；　or　a　man；　in　order　to　love　a
mortal　woman。　He　had　begotten　in　her　a　giant；　a　hero。

Very　good；　so　he　had；　in　Greece。　For　herself；　she　was　no
Grecian　woman。　Not　Jove　nor　Pan　nor　any　of　those　gods；　not　even
Bacchus　nor　Apollo；　could　e　to　her。　But　the　Sons　of　God　who
took　to　wife　the　daughters　of　men；　these　were　such　as　should
take　her　to　wife。

She　clung　to　the　secret　hope；　the　aspiration。　She　lived　a
dual　life；　one　where　the　facts　of　daily　life　enpassed
everything；　being　legion；　and　the　other　wherein　the　facts　of
daily　life　were　superseded　by　the　eternal　truth。　So　utterly　did
she　desire　the　Sons　of　God　should　e　to　the　daughters　of　men；
and　she　believed　more　in　her　desire　and　its　fulfilment　than　in
the　obvious　facts　of　life。　The　fact　that　a　man　was　a　man；　did
not　state　his　descent　from　Adam；　did　not　exclude　that　he　was
also　one　of　the　unhistoried；　unaccountable　Sons　of　God。　As　yet；
she　was　confused；　but　not　denied。

Again　she　heard　the　Voice：

〃It　is　easier　for　a　camel　to　go　through　the　eye　of　a　needle；
than　for　a　rich　man　to　enter　into　heaven。〃

But　it　was　explained；　the　needle's　eye　was　a　little　gateway
for　foot　passengers；　through　which　the　great；　humped　camel　with
his　load　could　not　possibly　squeeze　himself：　or　perhaps　at　a
great　risk；　if　he　were　a　little　camel；　he　might　get　through。　For
one　could　not　absolutely　exclude　the　rich　man　from　heaven；　said
the　Sunday　school　teachers。

It　pleased　her　also　to　know；　that　in　the　East　one　must　use
hyperbole；　or　else　remain　unheard；　because　the　Eastern　man　must
see　a　thing　swelling　to　fill　all　heaven；　or　dwindled　to　a　mere
nothing；　before　he　is　suitably　impressed。　She　immediately
sympathized　with　this　Eastern　mind。

Yet　the　words　continued　to　have　a　meaning　that　was　untouched
either　by　the　knowledge　of　gateways　or　hyperboles。　The
historical；　or　local；　or　psychological　interest　in　the　words　was
another　thing。　There　remained　unaltered　the　inexplicable　value
of　the　saying。　What　was　this　relation　between　a　needle's　eye；　a
rich　man；　and　heaven？　What　sort　of　a　needle's　eye；　what　sort　of
a　rich　man；　what　sort　of　heaven？　Who　knows？　It　means　the
Absolute　World；　and　can　never　be　more　than　half　interpreted　in
terms　of　the　relative　world。

But　must　one　apply　the　speech　literally？　Was　her　father　a
rich　man？　Couldn't　he　get　to　heaven？　Or　was　he　only　a　halfrich
man？　Or　was　he　merely　a　poor　man？　At　any　rate；　unless　he　gave
everything　away　to　the　poor；　he　would　find　it　much　harder　to　get
to　heaven。　The　needle's　eye　would　be　too　tight　for　him。　She
almost　wished　he　were　penniless　poor。　If　one　were　ing　to　the
base　of　it；　any　man　was　rich　who　was　not　as　poor　as　the
poorest。

She　had　her　qualms；　when　in　imagination　she　saw　her　father
giving　away　their　piano　and　the　two　cows；　and　the　capital　at　the
bank；　to　the　labourers　of　the　district；　so　that　they；　the
Brangwens；　should　be　as　poor　as　the　Wherrys。　And　she　did　not
want　it。　She　was　impatient。

〃Very　well；〃　she　thought；　〃we'll　forego　that　heaven；　that's
allat　any　rate　the　needle's　eye　sort。〃　And　she　dismissed
the　problem。　She　was　not　going　to　be　as　poor　as　the　Wherrys；　not
for　all　the　sayings　on　earththe　miserable　squalid
Wherrys。

So　she　reverted　to　the　nonliteral　application　of　the
scriptures。　Her　father　very　rarely　read；　but　he　had　collected
many　books　of　reproductions；　and　he　would　sit　and　look　at　these；
curiously　intent；　like　a　child；　yet　with　a　passion　that　was　not
childish。　He　loved　the　early　Italian　painters；　but　particularly
Giotto　and　Fra　Angelico　and　Filippo　Lippi。　The　great
positions　cast　a　spell　over　him。　How　many　times　had　he　turned
to　Raphael's　〃Dispute　of　the　Sacrament〃　or　Fra　Angelico's　〃Last
Judgment〃　or　the　beautiful；　plicated　renderings　of　the
Adoration　of　the　Magi；　and　always；　each　time；　he　received　the
same　gradual　fulfilment　of　delight。　It　had　to　do　with　the
establishment　of　a　whole　mystical；　architectural　conception
which　used　the　human　figure　as　a　unit。　Sometimes　he　had　to　hurry
home；　and　go　to　the　Fra　Angelico　〃Last　Judgment〃。　The　pathway　of
open　graves；　the　huddled　earth　on　either　side；　the　seemly　heaven
arranged　above；　the　singing　process　to　paradise　on　the　one　hand；
the　stuttering　descent　to　hell　on　the　other；　pleted　and
satisfied　him。　He　did　not　care　whether　or　not　he　believed　in
devils　or　angels。　The　whole　conception　gave　him　the　deepest
satisfaction；　and　he　wanted　nothing　more。

Ursula；　accustomed　to　these　pictures　from　her　childhood；
hunted　out　their　detail。　She　adored　Fra　Angelico's　flowers　and
light　and　angels；　she　liked　the　demons　and　enjoyed　the　hell。　But
the　representation　of　the　encircled　God；　surrounded　by　all　the
angels　on　high；　suddenly　bored　her。　The　figure　of　the　Most　High
bored　her；　and　roused　her　resentment。　Was　this　the　culmination
and　the　meaning　of　it　all；　this　draped；　null　figure？　The　angels
were　so　lovely；　and　the　light　so　beautiful。　And　only　for