The Rainbow-虹(英文版)-第66章

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and　tightening　with　anguish　as　the　limit　was　reached；　and　the
movement；　at　crises；　turned　and　swept　back。

As　the　dance　surged　heavily　on；　Ursula　was　aware　of　some
influence　looking　in　upon　her。　Something　was　looking　at　her。
Some　powerful；　glowing　sight　was　looking　right　into　her；　not
upon　her；　but　right　at　her。　Out　of　the　great　distance；　and　yet
imminent；　the　powerful；　overwhelming　watch　was　kept　upon　her。
And　she　danced　on　and　on　with　Skrebensky；　while　the　great；　white
watching　continued；　balancing　all　in　its　revelation。

〃The　moon　has　risen；〃　said　Anton；　as　the　music　ceased；　and
they　found　themselves　suddenly　stranded；　like　bits　of　jetsam　on
a　shore。　She　turned；　and　saw　a　great　white　moon　looking　at　her
over　the　hill。　And　her　breast　opened　to　it；　she　was　cleaved　like
a　transparent　jewel　to　its　light。　She　stood　filled　with　the　full
moon；　offering　herself。　Her　two　breasts　opened　to　make　way　for
it；　her　body　opened　one；　a　soft；
dilated　invitation　touched　by　the　moon。　She　wanted　the　moon　to
fill　in　to　her；　she　wanted　more；　more　munion　with　the　moon；
consummation。　But　Skrebensky　put　his　arm　round　her；　and　led　her
away。　He　put　a　big；　dark　cloak　round　her；　and　sat　holding　her
hand；　whilst　the　moonlight　streamed　above　the　glowing　fires。

She　was　not　there。　Patiently　she　sat；　under　the　cloak；　with
Skrebensky　holding　her　hand。　But　her　naked　self　was　away　there
beating　upon　the　moonlight；　dashing　the　moonlight　with　her
breasts　and　her　knees；　in　meeting；　in　munion。　She　half
started；　to　go　in　actuality；　to　fling　away　her　clothing　and　flee
away；　away　from　this　dark　confusion　and　chaos　of　people　to　the
hill　and　the　moon。　But　the　people　stood　round　her　like　stones；
like　magic　stones；　and　she　could　not　go；　in　actuality。
Skrebensky；　like　a　loadstone　weighed　on　her；　the　weight　of　his
presence　detained　her。　She　felt　the　burden　of　him；　the　blind；
persistent；　inert　burden。　He　was　inert；　and　he　weighed　upon　her。
She　sighed　in　pain。　Oh；　for　the　coolness　and　entire　liberty　and
brightness　of　the　moon。　Oh；　for　the　cold　liberty　to　be　herself；
to　do　entirely　as　she　liked。　She　wanted　to　get　right　away。　She
felt　like　bright　metal　weighted　down　by　dark；　impure　magism。
He　was　the　dross；　people　were　the　dross。　If　she　could　but　get
away　to　the　clean　free　moonlight。

〃Don't　you　like　me　tonight？〃　said　his　low　voice；　the　voice
of　the　shadow　over　her　shoulder。　She　clenched　her　hands　in　the
dewy　brilliance　of　the　moon；　as　if　she　were　mad。

〃Don't　you　like　me　tonight？〃　repeated　the　soft　voice。

And　she　knew　that　if　she　turned；　she　would　die。　A　strange
rage　filled　her；　a　rage　to　tear　things　asunder。　Her　hands　felt
destructive；　like　metal　blades　of　destruction。

〃Let　me　alone；〃　she　said。

A　darkness；　an　obstinacy　settled　on　him　too；　in　a　kind　of
inertia。　He　sat　inert　beside　her。　She　threw　off　her　cloak　and
walked　towards　the　moon；　silverwhite　herself。　He　followed　her
closely。

The　music　began　again　and　the　dance。　He　appropriated　her。
There　was　a　fierce；　white；　cold　passion　in　her　heart。　But　he
held　her　close；　and　danced　with　her。　Always　present；　like　a　soft
weight　upon　her；　bearing　her　down；　was　his　body　against　her　as
they　danced。　He　held　her　very　close；　so　that　she　could　feel　his
body；　the　weight　of　him　sinking；　settling　upon　her；　overing
her　life　and　energy；　making　her　inert　along　with　him；　she　felt
his　hands　pressing　behind　her；　upon　her。　But　still　in　her　body
was　the　subdued；　cold；　indomitable　passion。　She　liked　the　dance：
it　eased　her；　put　her　into　a　sort　of　trance。　But　it　was　only　a
kind　of　waiting；　of　using　up　the　time　that　intervened　between
her　and　her　pure　being。　She　left　herself　against　him；　she　let
him　exert　all　his　power　over　her；　to　bear　her　down。　She　received
all　the　force　of　his　power。　She　even　wished　he　might　overe
her。　She　was　cold　and　unmoved　as　a　pillar　of　salt。

His　will　was　set　and　straining　with　all　its　tension　to
enpass　him　and　pel　her。　If　he　could　only　pel　her。　He
seemed　to　be　annihilated。　She　was　cold　and　hard　and　pact　of
brilliance　as　the　moon　itself；　and　beyond　him　as　the　moonlight
was　beyond　him；　never　to　be　grasped　or　known。　If　he　could　only
set　a　bond　round　her　and　pel　her！

So　they　danced　four　or　five　dances；　always　together；　always
his　will　being　more　tense；　his　body　more　subtle；　playing　upon
her。　And　still　he　had　not　got　her；　she　was　hard　and　bright　as
ever；　intact。　But　he　must　weave　himself　round　her；　enclose　her；
enclose　her　in　a　　of　shadow；　of　darkness；　so　she　would　be
like　a　bright　creature　gleaming　in　a　　of　shadows；　caught。
Then　he　would　have　her；　he　would　enjoy　her。　How　he　would　enjoy
her；　when　she　was　caught。

At　last；　when　the　dance　was　over；　she　would　not　sit　down；　she
walked　away。　He　came　with　his　arm　round　her；　keeping　her　upon
the　movement　of　his　walking。　And　she　seemed　to　agree。　She　was
bright　as　a　piece　of　moonlight；　as　bright　as　a　steel　blade；　he
seemed　to　be　clasping　a　blade　that　hurt　him。　Yet　he　would　clasp
her；　if　it　killed　him。

They　went　towards　the　stackyard。　There　he　saw；　with　something
like　terror；　the　great　new　stacks　of　corn　glistening　and
gleaming　transfigured；　silvery　and　present　under　the　nightblue
sky；　throwing　dark；　substantial　shadows；　but　themselves　majestic
and　dimly　present。　She；　like　glimmering　gossamer；　seemed　to　burn
among　them；　as　they　rose　like　cold　fires　to　the　silverybluish
air。　All　was　intangible；　a　burning　of　cold；　glimmering；
whitishsteely　fires。　He　was　afraid　of　the　great
moonconflagration　of　the　cornstacks　rising　above　him。　His　heart
grew　smaller；　it　began　to　fuse　like　a　bead。　He　knew　he　would
die。

She　stood　for　some　moments　out　in　the　overwhelming　luminosity
of　the　moon。　She　seemed　a　beam　of　gleaming　power。　She　was　afraid
of　what　she　was。　Looking　at　him；　at　his　shadowy；　unreal；
wavering　presence　a　sudden　lust　seized　her；　to　lay　hold　of　him
and　tear　him　and　make　him　into　nothing。　Her　hands　and　wrists
felt　immeasurably　hard　and　strong；　like　blades。　He　waited　there
beside　her　like　a　shadow　which　she　wanted　to　dissipate；　destroy
as　the　moonlight　destroys　a　darkness；　annihilate；　have　done
with。　She　looked　at　him　and　her　face　gleamed　bright　and
inspired。　She　tempted　him。

And　an　obstinacy　in　him　made　him　put　his　arm　round　her　and
draw　her　to　the　shadow。　She　submitted：　let　him　try　what　he　could
do。　Let　him　try　what　he　could　do。　He　leaned　against　the　side　of
the　stack；　holding　her。　The　stack　stung　him　keenly　with　a
thousand　cold；　sharp　flames。　Still　obstinately　he　held　her。

And　timorously；　his　hands　went　over　her；　over　the　salt；
pact　brilliance　of　her　body。　If　he　could　but　have　her；　how　he
would　enjoy　her！　If　he　could　but　　her　brilliant；　cold；
saltburning　body　in　the　soft　iron　of　his　own　hands；　　her；
capture　her；　hold　her　down；　how　madly　he　would　enjoy　her。　He
strove　subtly；　but　with　all　his　energy；　to　enclose　her；　to　have
her。　And　always　she　was　burning　and　brilliant　and　hard　as　salt；
and　deadly。　Yet　obstinately；　all　his　flesh　burning　and
corroding；　as　if　he　were　invaded　by　some　consuming；　scathing
poison；　still　he　persisted；　thinking　at　last　he　might　overe
her。　Even；　in　his　frenzy；　he　sought　for　her　mouth　with　his
mouth；　though　it　was　like　putting　his　face　into　some　awful
death。　She　yielded　to　him；　and　he　pressed　himself　upon　her　in
extremity；　his　soul　groaning　over　and　over：

〃Let　me　elet　me　e。〃

She　took　him　in　the　kiss；　hard　her　kiss　seized　upon　him；　hard
and　fierce　and　burning　corrosive　as　the　moonlight。　She　seemed　to
be　destroying　him。　He　was　reeling；　summoning　all　his　strength　to
keep　his　kiss　upon　her；　to　keep　himself　in　the　kiss。

But　hard　and　fierce　she　had　fastened　upon　him；　cold　as　the
moon　and　burning　as　a　fierce　salt。　Till　gradually　his　warm；　soft
iron　yielded；　yielded；　and　she　was　there　fierce；　corrosive；
seething　with　his　destruction；　seething　like　some　cruel；
corrosive　salt　around　the　last　substance　of　his　being；
destroying　him；　destroying　him　in　the　kiss。　And　her　soul
crystallized　with　triumph；　and　his　soul　was　dissolved　with　agony
and　annihilation。　So　she　held　him　there；　the　victim；　consumed；
annihilated。　She　had　triumphed：　he　was　not　any　more。

Gradually　she　began　to　e　to　herself。　Gradually　a　sort　of
daytime　consciousness　came　back　to　her。　Suddenly　the　night　was
struck　back　into　its　old；　accustomed；　mild　reality。　Gradually
she　realized　that　the　night　was　mon　and　ordinary；　that　the
great；　blistering；　transcendent　night　did　not　really　exist。　She
was　overe　with　slow　horror。　Where　was　she？　What　was　this
nothingness　she　felt？　The　nothingness　was　Skrebensky。　Was　he
really　there？who　was　he？　He　was　silent；　he　was　not　there。
What　had　happened？　Had　she　been　mad：　what　horrible　thing　had
possessed　her？　She　was　filled　with　overpowering　fear　of　herself；
overpowering　desire　that　it　should　not　be；　that　other　burning；
corrosive　self。　She　was　seized　with　a　frenzied　desire　that　what
had　been　should　never　be　remembered；　never　be　thought　of；　never
be　for　one　moment　allowed　possible。　She　denied　it　with　all　her
might。　With　all　her　might　she　turned　away　from　it。　She　was　good；
she　was　loving。　Her　heart　was　warm；　her　blood　was　dark　and　warm
and　soft。　She　laid　her　hand　caressively　on　Anton's　shoulder。

〃Isn't　it　lovely？〃　she　said；　softly；　coaxingly；　caressingly。
And　she　began　to　caress　him　to　life　again。　For　he　was　dead。　And
she　intended　that　he　should　never　know；　never　bee　aware　of
what　had　been。　She　would　bring　him　back　from　the　dead　without
leaving　him　one　trace　of　fact　to　remember　his　annihilation
by。

She　exerted　all　her　ordinary；　warm　self；　she　touched　him；　she
did　him　homage　of　loving　awareness。　And　gradually　he　came　back
to　her；　another　man。　She　was　soft　and　winning　and　caressing。　She
was　his　servant；　his　adoring　slave。　And　she　restored　the　whole
shell　of　him。　She　restored　the　whole　form　and　figure　of　him。　But
the　core　was　gone。　His　pride　was　bolstered　up；　his　blood　ran
once　more　in　pride。　But　there　was　no　core　to　him：　as　a　distinct
male　he　had　no　core。　His　triumphant；　flaming；　overweening　heart
of　the　intrinsic　male　would　never　beat　again。　He　would　be
subject　now；　reciprocal；　never　the　indomitable　thing　with　a　core
of　overweening；　unabateable　fire。　She　had　abated　that　fire；　she
had　broken　him。

But　she　caressed