The Rainbow-虹(英文版)-第9章

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something　unseen。

When　they　were　gone；　Brangwen　stirred　for　the　first　time　from
the　place　where　he　stood；　and　looked　round　at　the　night。　He
wished　it　were　really　as　beautiful　and　familiar　as　it　seemed　in
these　few　moments　of　release。　Along　with　the　child；　he　felt　a
curious　strain　on　him；　a　suffering；　like　a　fate。

The　mother　came　down　again；　and　began　folding　the　child's
clothes。　He　knocked。　She　opened　wondering；　a　little　bit　at　bay；
like　a　foreigner；　uneasy。

〃Good　evening；〃　he　said。　〃I'll　just　e　in　a　minute。〃

A　change　went　quickly　over　her　face；　she　was　unprepared。　She
looked　down　at　him　as　he　stood　in　the　light　from　the　window；
holding　the　daffodils；　the　darkness　behind。　In　his　black　clothes
she　again　did　not　know　him。　She　was　almost　afraid。

But　he　was　already　stepping　on　to　the　threshold；　and　closing
the　door　behind　him。　She　turned　into　the　kitchen；　startled　out
of　herself　by　this　invasion　from　the　night。　He　took　off　his　hat；
and　came　towards　her。　Then　he　stood　in　the　light；　in　his　black
clothes　and　his　black　stock；　hat　in　one　hand　and　yellow　flowers
in　the　other。　She　stood　away；　at　his　mercy；　snatched　out　of
herself。　She　did　not　know　him；　only　she　knew　he　was　a　man　e
for　her。　She　could　only　see　the　darkclad　man's　figure　standing
there　upon　her；　and　the　gripped　fist　of　flowers。　She　could　not
see　the　face　and　the　living　eyes。

He　was　watching　her；　without　knowing　her；　only　aware
underneath　of　her　presence。

〃I　e　to　have　a　word　with　you；〃　he　said；　striding　forward
to　the　table；　laying　down　his　hat　and　the　flowers；　which　tumbled
apart　and　lay　in　a　loose　heap。　She　had　flinched　from　his
advance。　She　had　no　will；　no　being。　The　wind　boomed　in　the
chimney；　and　he　waited。　He　had　disembarrassed　his　hands。　Now　he
shut　his　fists。

He　was　aware　of　her　standing　there　unknown；　dread；　yet
related　to　him。

〃I　came　up；〃　he　said；　speaking　curiously　matteroffact　and
level；　〃to　ask　if　you'd　marry　me。　You　are　free；　aren't　you？〃

There　was　a　long　silence；　whilst　his　blue　eyes；　strangely
impersonal；　looked　into　her　eyes　to　seek　an　answer　to　the　truth。
He　was　looking　for　the　truth　out　of　her。　And　she；　as　if
hypnotized；　must　answer　at　length。

〃Yes；　I　am　free　to　marry。〃

The　expression　of　his　eyes　changed；　became　less　impersonal；
as　if　he　were　looking　almost　at　her；　for　the　truth　of　her。
Steady　and　intent　and　eternal　they　were；　as　if　they　would　never
change。　They　seemed　to　fix　and　to　resolve　her。　She　quivered；
feeling　herself　created；　willless；　lapsing　into　him；　into　a
mon　will　with　him。

〃You　want　me？〃　she　said。

A　pallor　came　over　his　face。

〃Yes；〃　he　said。

Still　there　was　no　response　and　silence。

〃No；〃　she　said；　not　of　herself。　〃No；　I　don't　know。〃

He　felt　the　tension　breaking　up　in　him；　his　fists　slackened；
he　was　unable　to　move。　He　stood　there　looking　at　her；　helpless
in　his　vague　collapse。　For　the　moment　she　had　bee　unreal　to
him。　Then　he　saw　her　e　to　him；　curiously　direct　and　as　if
without　movement；　in　a　sudden　flow。　She　put　her　hand　to　his
coat。

〃Yes　I　want　to；〃　she　said；　impersonally；　looking　at　him　with
wide；　candid；　newlyopened　eyes；　opened　now　with　supreme　truth。
He　went　very　white　as　he　stood；　and　did　not　move；　only　his　eyes
were　held　by　hers；　and　he　suffered。　She　seemed　to　see　him　with
her　newlyopened；　wide　eyes；　almost　of　a　child；　and　with　a
strange　movement；　that　was　agony　to　him；　she　reached　slowly
forward　her　dark　face　and　her　breast　to　him；　with　a　slow
insinuation　of　a　kiss　that　made　something　break　in　his　brain；
and　it　was　darkness　over　him　for　a　few　moments。

He　had　her　in　his　arms；　and；　obliterated；　was　kissing　her。
And　it　was　sheer；　bleached　agony　to　him；　to　break　away　from
himself。　She　was　there　so　small　and　light　and　accepting　in　his
arms；　like　a　child；　and　yet　with　such　an　insinuation　of　embrace；
of　infinite　embrace；　that　he　could　not　bear　it；　he　could　not
stand。

He　turned　and　looked　for　a　chair；　and　keeping　her　still　in
his　arms；　sat　down　with　her　close　to　him；　to　his　breast。　Then；
for　a　few　seconds；　he　went　utterly　to　sleep；　asleep　and　sealed
in　the　darkest　sleep；　utter；　extreme　oblivion。

From　which　he　came　to　gradually；　always　holding　her　warm　and
close　upon　him；　and　she　as　utterly　silent　as　he；　involved　in　the
same　oblivion；　the　fecund　darkness。

He　returned　gradually；　but　newly　created；　as　after　a
gestation；　a　new　birth；　in　the　womb　of　darkness。　Aerial　and
light　everything　was；　new　as　a　morning；　fresh　and　newlybegun。
Like　a　dawn　the　newness　and　the　bliss　filled　in。　And　she　sat
utterly　still　with　him；　as　if　in　the　same。

Then　she　looked　up　at　him；　the　wide；　young　eyes　blazing　with
light。　And　he　bent　down　and　kissed　her　on　the　lips。　And　the　dawn
blazed　in　them；　their　new　life　came　to　pass；　it　was　beyond　all
conceiving　good；　it　was　so　good；　that　it　was　almost　like　a
passingaway；　a　trespass。　He　drew　her　suddenly　closer　to
him。

For　soon　the　light　began　to　fade　in　her；　gradually；　and　as
she　was　in　his　arms；　her　head　sank；　she　leaned　it　against　him；
and　lay　still；　with　sunk　head；　a　little　tired；　effaced　because
she　was　tired。　And　in　her　tiredness　was　a　certain　negation　of
him。

〃There　is　the　child；〃　she　said；　out　of　the　long　silence。

He　did　not　understand。　It　was　a　long　time　since　he　had　heard
a　voice。　Now　also　he　heard　the　wind　roaring；　as　if　it　had　just
begun　again。

〃Yes；〃　he　said；　not　understanding。　There　was　a　slight
contraction　of　pain　at　his　heart；　a　slight　tension　on　his　brows。
Something　he　wanted　to　grasp　and　could　not。

〃You　will　love　her？〃　she　said。

The　quick　contraction；　like　pain；　went　over　him　again。

〃I　love　her　now；〃　he　said。

She　lay　still　against　him；　taking　his　physical　warmth　without
heed。　It　was　great　confirmation　for　him　to　feel　her　there；
absorbing　the　warmth　from　him；　giving　him　back　her　weight　and
her　strange　confidence。　But　where　was　she；　that　she　seemed　so
absent？　His　mind　was　open　with　wonder。　He　did　not　know　her。

〃But　I　am　much　older　than　you；〃　she　said。

〃How　old？〃　he　asked。

〃I　am　thirtyfour；〃　she　said。

〃I　am　twentyeight；〃　he　said。

〃Six　years。〃

She　was　oddly　concerned；　even　as　if　it　pleased　her　a　little。
He　sat　and　listened　and　wondered。　It　was　rather　splendid；　to　be
so　ignored　by　her；　whilst　she　lay　against　him；　and　he　lifted　her
with　his　breathing；　and　felt　her　weight　upon　his　living；　so　he
had　a　pleteness　and　an　inviolable　power。　He　did　not　interfere
with　her。　He　did　not　even　know　her。　It　was　so　strange　that　she
lay　there　with　her　weight　abandoned　upon　him。　He　was　silent　with
delight。　He　felt　strong；　physically；　carrying　her　on　his
breathing。　The　strange；　inviolable　pleteness　of　the　two　of
them　made　him　feel　as　sure　and　as　stable　as　God。　Amused；　he
wondered　what　the　vicar　would　say　if　he　knew。

〃You　needn't　stop　here　much　longer；　housekeeping；〃　he
said。

〃I　like　it　also；　here；〃　she　said。　〃When　one　has　been　in　many
places；　it　is　very　nice　here。〃

He　was　silent　again　at　this。　So　close　on　him　she　lay；　and　yet
she　answered　him　from　so　far　away。　But　he　did　not　mind。

〃What　was　your　own　home　like；　when　you　were　little？〃　he
asked。

〃My　father　was　a　landowner；〃　she　replied。　〃It　was　near　a
river。〃

This　did　not　convey　much　to　him。　All　was　as　vague　as　before。
But　he　did　not　care；　whilst　she　was　so　close。

〃I　am　a　landownera　little　one；〃　he　said。

〃Yes；〃　she　said。

He　had　not　dared　to　move。　He　sat　there　with　his　arms　round
her；　her　lying　motionless　on　his　breathing；　and　for　a　long　time
he　did　not　stir。　Then　softly；　timidly；　his　hand　settled　on　the
roundness　of　her　arm；　on　the　unknown。　She　seemed　to　lie　a　little
closer。　A　hot　flame　licked　up　from　his　belly　to　his　chest。

But　it　was　too　soon。　She　rose；　and　went　across　the　room　to　a
drawer；　taking　out　a　little　traycloth。　There　was　something
quiet　and　professional　about　her。　She　had　been　a　nurse　beside
her　husband；　both　in　Warsaw　and　in　the　rebellion　afterwards。　She
proceeded　to　set　a　tray。　It　was　as　if　she　ignored　Brangwen。　He
sat　up；　unable　to　bear　a　contradiction　in　her。　She　moved　about
inscrutably。

Then；　as　he　sat　there；　all　mused　and　wondering；　she　came　near
to　him；　looking　at　him　with　wide；　grey　eyes　that　almost　smiled
with　a　low　light。　But　her　uglybeautiful　mouth　was　still　unmoved
and　sad。　He　was　afraid。

His　eyes；　strained　and　roused　with　unusedness；　quailed　a
little　before　her；　he　felt　himself　quailing　and　yet　he　rose；　as
if　obedient　to　her；　he　bent　and　kissed　her　heavy；　sad；　wide
mouth；　that　was　kissed；　and　did　not　alter。　Fear　was　too　strong
in　him。　Again　he　had　not　got　her。

She　turned　away。　The　vicarage　kitchen　was　untidy；　and　yet　to
him　beautiful　with　the　untidiness　of　her　and　her　child。　Such　a
wonderful　remoteness　there　was　about　her；　and　then　something　in
touch　with　him；　that　made　his　heart　knock　in　his　chest。　He　stood
there　and　waited；　suspended。

Again　she　came　to　him；　as　he　stood　in　his　black　clothes；　with
blue　eyes　very　bright　and　puzzled　for　her；　his　face　tensely
alive；　his　hair　dishevelled。　She　came　close　up　to　him；　to　his
intent；　blackclothed　body；　and　laid　her　hand　on　his　arm。　He
remained　unmoved。　Her　eyes；　with　a　blackness　of　memory
struggling　with　passion；　primitive　and　electric　away　at　the　back
of　them；　rejected　him　and　absorbed　him　at　once。　But　he　remained
himself。　He　breathed　with　difficulty；　and　sweat　came　out　at　the
roots　of　his　hair；　on　his　forehead。

〃Do　you　want　to　marry　me？〃　she　asked　slowly；　always
uncertain。

He　was　afraid　lest　he　could　not　speak。　He　drew　breath　hard；
saying：

〃I　do。〃

Then　again；　what　was　agony　to　him；　with　one　hand　lightly
resting　on　his　arm；　she　leaned　forward　a　little；　and　with　a
strange；　primeval　suggestion　of　embrace；　held　him　her　mouth。　It
was　uglybeautiful；　and　he　could　not　bear　it。　He　put　his　mouth
on　hers；　and　slowly；　slowly　the　response　came；　gathering　force
and　passion；　till　it　seemed　to　him　she　was　thundering　at　him
till　he　could　bear　no　more。　He　drew　away；　white；　unbreathing。
Only；　in　his　blue　eyes；　was　something　of　himself　concentrated。
And　in　her　eyes　was　a　little　smile　upon　a　black　void。

She　was　drifting　away　from　him　again。　And　he　wanted　to　go
away。　It　was　intolerable。　He　could　bear　no　more。　He　must　go。　Yet
he　was　irresolute。　But　she　turned