2 new+moon新月-第10章

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same　as　the　last；　cold　and　statuelike。　But　that　wasn't　the　most　troubling　part　of　this　photograph。　The　
contrast　between　the　two　of　us　was　painful。　He　looked　like　a　god。　I　looked　very　average；　even　for　a　
human；　almost　shamefully　plain。　I　flipped　the　picture　over　with　a　feeling　of　disgust。　

Instead　of　doing　my　homework；　I　stayed　up　to　put　my　pictures　into　the　album。　With　a　ballpoint　pen　I　
scrawled　captions　under　all　the　pictures；　the　names　and　the　dates。　I　got　to　the　picture　of　Edward　and　me；　
and；　without　looking　at　it　too　long；　I　folded　it　in　half　and　stuck　it　under　the　metal　tab；　Edwardside　up。　

When　I　was　done；　I　stuffed　the　second　set　of　prints　in　a　fresh　envelope　and　penned　a　long　thankyou　
letter　to　Renee。　

Edward　still　hadn't　e　over。　I　didn't　want　to　admit　that　he　was　the　reason　I'd　stayed　up　so　late；　but　of　
course　he　was。　I　tried　to　remember　the　last　time　he'd　stayed　away　like　this；　without　an　excuse；　a　phone　
call…　He　never　had。　

Again；　I　didn't　sleep　well。　

School　followed　the　silent；　frustrating；　terrifying　pattern　of　the　last　two　days。　I　felt　relief　when　I　saw　
Edward　waiting　for　me　in　the　parking　lot；　but　it　faded　quickly。　He　was　no　different；　unless　maybe　more　
remote。　

It　was　hard　to　even　remember　the　reason　for　all　this　mess。　My　birthday　already　felt　like　the　distant　past。　If　
only　Alice　would　e　back。　Soon。　Before　this　got　any　more　out　of　hand。　

But　I　couldn't　count　on　that。　I　decided　that；　if　I　couldn't　talk　to　him　today；　really　talk；　then　I　was　going　to　
see　Carlisle　tomorrow。　I　had　to　do　something。　

After　school；　Edward　and　I　were　going　to　talk　it　out；　I　promised　myself。　I　wasn't　accepting　any　excuses。　

He　walked　me　to　my　truck；　and　I　steeled　myself　to　make　my　demands。　

〃Do　you　mind　if　I　e　over　today？〃　he　asked　before　we　got　to　the　truck；　beating　me　to　the　punch。　

〃Of　course　not。〃　

〃Now？〃　he　asked　again；　opening　my　door　for　me。　

〃Sure；〃　I　kept　my　voice　even；　though　I　didn't　like　the　urgency　in　his　tone。　〃I　was　just　going　to　drop　a　letter　
for　Renee　in　the　mailbox　on　the　way。　I'll　meet　you　there。〃　

He　looked　at　the　fat　envelope　on　the　passenger　seat。　Suddenly；　he　reached　over　me　and　snagged　it。　

〃I'll　do　it；〃　he　said　quietly。　〃And　I'll　still　beat　you　there。〃　He　smiled　my　favorite　crooked　smile；　but　it　was　
wrong。　It　didn't　reach　his　eyes。　

〃Okay；〃　I　agreed；　unable　to　smile　back。　He　shut　the　door；　and　headed　toward　his　car。　

He　did　beat　me　home。　He　was　parked　in　Charlie's　spot　when　I　pulled　up　in　front　of　the　house。　That　was　
a　bad　sign。　He　didn't　plan　to　stay；　then。　I　shook　my　head　and　took　a　deep　breath；　trying　to　locate　some　
courage。　

He　got　out　of　his　car　when　I　stepped　out　of　the　truck；　and　came　to　meet　me。　He　reached　to　take　my　
book　bag　from　me。　That　was　normal。　But　he　shoved　it　back　onto　the　seat。　That　was　not　normal。　

〃e　for　a　walk　with　me；〃　he　suggested　in　an　unemotional　voice；　taking　my　hand。　

I　didn't　answer。　I　couldn't　think　of　a　way　to　protest；　but　I　instantly　knew　that　I　wanted　to。　I　didn't　like　
this。　This　is　bad；　this　is　very　bad；　the　voice　in　my　head　repeated　again　and　again。　

But　he　didn't　wait　for　an　answer。　He　pulled　me　along　toward　the　east　side　of　the　yard；　where　the　forest　
encroached。　I　followed　unwillingly；　trying　to　think　through　the　panic。　It　was　what　I　wanted；　I　reminded　
myself。　The　chance　to　talk　it　all　through。　So　why　was　the　panic　choking　me？　

We'd　gone　only　a　few　steps　into　the　trees　when　he　stopped。　We　were　barely　on　the　trail—I　could　still　
see　the　house。　

Some　walk。　

Edward　leaned　against　a　tree　and　stared　at　me；　his　expression　unreadable。　

〃Okay；　let's　talk；〃　I　said。　It　sounded　braver　than　it　felt。　

He　took　a　deep　breath。　

〃Bella；　we're　leaving。〃　

I　took　a　deep　breath；　too。　This　was　an　acceptable　option。　I　thought　I　was　prepared。　But　I　still　had　to　ask。　

〃Why　now？　Another　year—〃　

〃Bella；　it's　time。　How　much　longer　could　we　stay　in　Forks；　after　all？　Carlisle　can　barely　pass　for　thirty；　
and　he's　claiming　thirtythree　now。　We'd　have　to　start　over　soon　regardless。〃　

His　answer　confused　me。　I　thought　the　point　of　leaving　was　to　let　his　family　live　in　peace。　Why　did　we　
have　to　leave　if　they　were　going？　I　stared　at　him；　trying　to　understand　what　he　meant。　

He　stared　back　coldly。　

With　a　roll　of　nausea；　I　realized　I'd　misunderstood。　

〃When　you　say　we—；〃　I　whispered。　

〃I　mean　my　family　and　myself。〃　Each　word　separate　and　distinct。　

I　shook　my　head　back　and　forth　mechanically；　trying　to　clear　it。　He　waited　without　any　sign　of　
impatience。　It　took　a　few　minutes　before　I　could　speak。　

〃Okay；〃　I　said。　〃I'll　e　with　you。〃　

〃You　can't；　Bella。　Where　we're　going…　It's　not　the　right　place　for　you。〃　

〃Where　you　are　is　the　right　place　for　me。〃　

〃I'm　no　good　for　you；　Bella。〃　

〃Don't　be　ridiculous。〃　I　wanted　to　sound　angry；　but　it　just　sounded　like　I　was　begging。　〃You're　the　very　
best　part　of　my　life。〃　

〃My　world　is　not　for　you；〃　he　said　grimly。　

〃What　happened　with　Jasper—that　was　nothing；　Edward！　Nothing！〃　

〃You're　right；〃　he　agreed。　〃It　was　exactly　what　was　to　be　expected。〃　

〃You　promised！　In　Phoenix；　you　promised　that　you　would　stay—〃　

〃As　long　as　that　was　best　for　you；〃　he　interrupted　to　correct　me。　

〃No！　This　is　about　my　soul；　isn't　it？〃　I　shouted；　furious；　the　words　exploding　out　of　me—somehow　it　still　
sounded　like　a　plea。　〃Carlisle　told　me　about　that；　and　I　don't　care；　Edward。　I　don't　care！　You　can　have　
my　soul。　I　don't　want　it　without　you—it's　yours　already！〃　

He　took　a　deep　breath　and　stared；　unseeingly；　at　the　ground　for　a　long　moment。　His　mouth　twisted　the　
tiniest　bit。　When　he　finally　looked　up；　his　eyes　were　different；　harder—like　the　liquid　gold　had　frozen　
solid。　

〃Bella；　I　don't　want　you　to　e　with　me。〃　He　spoke　the　words　slowly　and　precisely；　his　cold　eyes　on　
my　face；　watching　as　I　absorbed　what　he　was　really　saying。　

There　was　a　pause　as　I　repeated　the　words　in　my　head　a　few　times；　sifting　through　them　for　their　real　
intent。　

〃You…　don't…　want　me？〃　I　tried　out　the　words；　confused　by　the　way　they　sounded；　placed　in　that　
order。　

〃No。〃　

I　stared；　unprehending；　into　his　eyes。　He　stared　back　without　apology。　His　eyes　were　like　
topaz—hard　and　clear　and　very　deep。　I　felt　like　I　could　see　into　them　for　miles　and　miles；　yet　nowhere　in　
rheir　bottomless　depths　could　I　see　a　contradiction　to　the　word　he'd　spoken。　

〃Well；　that　changes　things。〃　I　was　surprised　by　how　calm　and　reasonable　my　voice　sounded。　It　must　be　
because　I　was　so　numb。　I　couldn't　realize　what　he　was　telling　me。　It　still　didn't　make　any　sense。　

He　looked　away　into　the　trees　as　he　spoke　again。　〃Of　course；　I'll　always　love　you…　in　a　way。　But　what　
happened　the　other　night　made　me　realize　that　it's　time　for　a　change。　Because　I'm…　tired　of　pretending　
to　be　something　I'm　not；　Bella。　I　am　not　human。〃　He　looked　back；　and　the　icy　planes　of　his　perfect　face　
were　not　human。　〃I've　let　this　go　on　much　too　long；　and　I'm　sorry　for　that。〃　

〃Don't。〃　My　voice　was　just　a　whisper　now；　awareness　was　beginning　to　seep　through　me；　trickling　like　
acid　through　my　veins。　〃Don't　do　this。〃　

He　just　stared　at　me；　and　I　could　see　from　his　eyes　that　my　words　were　far　too　late。　He　already　had。　

〃You're　not　good　for　me；　Bella。〃　He　turned　his　earlier　words　around；　and　so　I　had　no　argument。　How　
well　I　knew　that　I　wasn't　good　enough　for　him。　

I　opened　my　mouth　to　say　something；　and　then　closed　it　again。　He　waited　patiently；　his　face　wiped　clean　
of　all　emotion。　I　tried　again。　

〃If…　that's　what　you　want。〃　

He　nodded　once。　

My　whole　body　went　numb。　I　couldn't　feel　anything　below　the　neck。　

〃I　would　like　to　ask　one　favor；　though；　if　that's　not　too　much；〃　he　said。　

I　wonder　what　he　saw　on　my　face；　because　something　flickered　across　his　own　face　in　response。　But；　
before　I　could　identify　it；　he'd　posed　his　features　into　the　same　serene　mask。　

〃Anything；〃　I　vowed；　my　voice　faintly　stronger。　

As　I　watched；　his　frozen　eyes　melted。　The　gold　became　liquid　again；　molten；　burning　down　into　mine　with　
an　intensity　that　was　overwhelming。　

〃Don't　do　anything　reckless　or　stupid；〃　he　ordered；　no　longer　detached。　〃Do　you　understand　what　I'm　
saying？〃　

I　nodded　helplessly。　

His　eyes　cooled；　the　distance　returned。　〃I'm　thinking　of　Charlie；　of　course。　He　needs　you。　Take　care　of　
yourself—for　him。〃　

I　nodded　again。　〃I　will；〃　I　whispered。　

He　seemed　to　relax　just　a　little。　

〃And　I'll　make　you　a　promise　in　return；〃　he　said。　〃I　promise　that　this　will　be　the　last　time　you'll　see　me。　I　
won't　e　back。　I　won't　put　you　through　anything　like　this　again。　You　can　go　on　with　your　life　without　
any　more　interference　from　me。　It　will　be　as　if　I'd　never　existed。〃　

My　knees　must　have　started　to　shake；　because　the　trees　were　suddenly　wobbling。　I　could　hear　the　blood　
pounding　faster　than　normal　behind　my　ears。　His　voice　sounded　farther　away。　

He　smiled　gently。　〃Don't　worry。　You're　human—your　memory　is　no　more　than　a　sieve。　Time　heals　all　
wounds　for　your　kind。〃　

〃And　your　memories？〃　I　asked。　It　sounded　like　there　was　something　stuck　in　my　throat；　like　I　was　
choking。　

〃Well〃—he　hesitated　for　a　short　second—〃I　won't　forget。　But　my　kind…　we're　very　easily　distracted。〃　
He　smiled；　the　smile　was　tranquil　and　it　did　not　touch　his　eyes。　

He　took　a　step　away　from　me。　〃That's　everything；　I　suppose。　We　won't　bother　you　again。〃　

The　plural　caught　my　attention。　That　surprised　me；　I　would　have　thought　I　was　beyond　noticing　anything。　

〃Alice　isn't　ing　back；〃　I　realized。　I　don't　know　how　he　heard　me—the　words　made　no　sound—but　he　
seemed　to　understand。　

He　shook　his　head　slowly；　always　watching　my　face。　

〃No。　They're　all　gone。　I　staved　behind　to　tell　you　goodbye。〃　

〃Alice　is　gone？〃　My　voice　was　blank　with　disbelief。　

〃She　wanted　to　say　goodbye；　but　I　convinced　her　that　a　clean　break　would　be　better　for　you。〃　

I　was　dizzy；　it　was　hard　to　concentrate。　His　words　swirled　around　in　my　head；　and　I　heard　the　doctor　at　
the　hospital　in　Phoenix；　last　spring；　as　he　showed　me　the　Xrays。　You　can　see　it's　a　clean　break；　his　
finger　traced　along　the　picture　of　my　severed　bone。　That's　good。　It　wil