2 new+moon新月-第37章

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memory　that　would　hurt　too　much；　but　the　false　memory　of　Edward's　voice　in　my　mind　this　
afternoon—and　played　it　over　and　over　in　my　head　until　I　fell　asleep　with　the　tears　still　streaming　calmly　
down　my　empty　face。　

It　was　a　new　dream　tonight。　Rain　was　falling　and　Jacob　was　walking　soundlessly　beside　me；　though　
beneath　my　feet　the　ground　crunched　like　dry　gravel。　But　he　wasn't　my　Jacob；　he　was　the　new；　bitter；　
graceful　Jacob。　The　smooth　suppleness　of　his　walk　reminded　me　of　someone　else；　and；　as　I　watched；　his　
features　started　to　change。　The　russet　color　of　his　skin　leached　away；　leaving　his　face　pale　white　like　
bone。　His　eyes　turned　gold；　and　then　crimson；　and　then　back　to　gold　again。　His　shorn　hair　twisted　in　the　
breeze；　turning　bronze　where　the　wind　touched　it。　And　his　face　became　so　beautiful　that　it　shattered　my　
heart。　I　reached　for　him；　but　he　took　a　step　away；　raising　his　hands　like　a　shield。　And　then　Edward　
vanished。　

I　wasn't　sure；　when　I　woke　in　the　dark；　if　I'd　just　begun　crying；　or　if　my　tears　had　run　while　I　slept　and　
simply　continued　now。　I　stared　at　my　dark　ceiling。　I　could　feel　that　it　was　the　middle　of　the　night—I　was　
still　halfasleep；　maybe　more　than　half。　I　closed　my　eyes　wearily　and　prayed　for　a　dreamless　sleep。　

That's　when　I　heard　the　noise　that　must　have　wakened　me　in　the　first　place。　Something　sharp　scraped　
along　the　length　of　my　window　with　a　highpitched　squeal；　like　fingernails　against　the　glass。　

12。　INTRUDER　

MY　EYES　FLEW　WIDE　OPEN　WITH　FRIGHT；　THOUGH　I　WAS　so　exhausted　and　muddled　that　I　
was　not　yet　positive　whether　I　was　awake　or　asleep。　

Something　scratched　against　my　window　again　with　the　same　thin；　highpitched　sound。　

Confused　and　clumsy　with　sleep；　I　stumbled　out　of　my　bed　and　to　the　window；　blinking　the　lingering　tears　
from　my　eyes　on　the　way。　

A　huge；　dark　shape　wobbled　erratically　on　the　other　side　of　the　glass；　lurching　toward　me　like　it　was　
going　to　smash　right　through。　I　staggered　back；　terrified；　my　throat　closing　around　a　scream。　

Victoria。　

She'd　e　for　me。　

I　was　dead。　

Not　Charlie；　too！　

I　choked　back　the　building　scream。　I　would　have　to　keep　quiet　through　this。　Somehow。　I　had　to　keep　
Charlie　from　ing　to　investigate…　

And　then　a　familiar；　husky　voice　called　from　the　dark　shape。　

〃Bella！〃　it　hissed。　〃Ouch！　Damn　it；　open　the　window！　OUCH！〃　

I　needed　two　seconds　to　shake　off　the　horror　before　I　could　move；　but　then　I　hurried　to　the　window　and　
shoved　the　glass　out　of　the　way。　The　clouds　were　dimly　lit　from　behind；　enough　for　me　to　make　sense　of　
the　shapes。　

〃What　are　you　doing？〃　I　gasped。　

Jacob　was　clinging　precariously　to　the　top　of　the　spruce　that　grew　in　the　middle　of　Charlie's　little　front　
yard。　His　weight　had　bowed　the　tree　toward　the　house　and　he　now　swung—his　legs　dangling　twenty　feet　
above　the　ground—not　a　yard　away　from　me。　The　thin　branches　at　the　tip　of　the　tree　scraped　against　the　
side　of　the　house　again　with　a　grating　squeal。　

〃I'm　trying　to　keep〃—he　huffed；　shifting　his　weight　as　the　treetop　bounced　him—〃my　promise！〃　

I　blinked　my　wet　blurry　eyes；　suddenly　sure　that　I　was　dreaming。　

〃When　did　you　ever　promise　to　kill　yourself　falling　out　of　Charlie's　tree？〃　

He　snorted；　unamused；　swinging　his　legs　to　improve　his　balance。　〃Get　out　of　the　way；〃　he　ordered。　

〃What？〃　

He　swung　his　legs　again；　backwards　and　forward；　increasing　his　momentum。　I　realized　what　he　was　ttying　
to　do。　

〃No；　Jake！〃　

But　I　ducked　to　the　side；　aecause　it　was　too　late。　With　a　grunt；　he　launched　himself　toward　my　open　
window。　

Another　scream　built　in　my　throat　as　I　waited　for　him　to　fall　to　his　death—or　at　least　maim　himself　against　

the　wooden　siding。　To　my　shock；　he　swung　agilely　into　my　room；　landing　on　the　balls　of　his　feet　with　a　
low　thud。　

We　both　looked　to　the　door　automatically；　holding　our　breath；　waiting　to　see　if　the　noise　had　woken　
Charlie。　A　short　moment　of　silence　passed；　and　then　we　heard　the　muffled　sound　of　Charlie's　snore。　

A　wide　grin　spread　slowly　across　Jacob's　face；　he　seemed　extremely　pleased　with　himself。　It　wasn't　the　
grin　that　I　knew　and　loved—it　was　a　new　grin；　one　that　was　a　bitter　mockery　of　his　old　sincerity；　on　the　
new　face　that　belonged　to　Sam。　

That　was　a　bit　much　for　me。　

I'd　cried　myself　to　sleep　over　this　boy。　His　harsh　rejection　had　punched　a　painful　new　hole　in　what　was　
left　of　my　chest。　He'd　left　a　new　nightmare　behind　him；　like　an　infection　in　a　sore—the　insult　after　the　
injury。　And　now　he　was　here　in　my　room；　smirking　at　me　as　if　none　of　that　had　passed。　Worse　than　that；　
even　though　his　arrival　had　been　noisy　and　awkward；　it　reminded　me　of　when　Edward　used　to　sneak　in　
through　my　window　at　night；　and　the　reminder　picked　viciously　at　the　unhealed　wounds。　

All　of　this；　coupled　with　the　fact　that　I　was　dogtired；　did　not　put　me　in　a　friendly　mood。　

〃Get　out！〃　I　hissed；　putting　as　much　venom　into　the　whisper　as　I　could。　

He　blinked；　his　face　going　blank　with　surprise。　

〃No；〃　he　protested。　〃I　came　to　apologize。〃　

〃I　don't　accept！〃　

I　tried　to　shove　him　back　out　the　window—after　all；　if　this　was　a　dream；　it　wouldn't　really　hurt　him。　It　was　
useless；　though。　I　didn't　budge　him　an　inch。　I　dropped　my　hands　quickly；　and　stepped　away　from　him。　

He　wasn't　wearing　a　shirt；　though　the　air　blowing　in　the　window　was　cold　enough　to　make　me　shiver；　and　
it　made　me　unfortable　to　have　my　hands　on　his　bare　chest。　His　skin　was　burning　hot；　like　his　head　
had　been　the　last　time　I'd　touched　him。　Like　he　was　still　sick　with　the　fever。　

He　didn't　look　sick。　He　looked　huge。　He　leaned　over　me；　so　big　that　he　blacked　out　the　window；　
tonguetied　by　my　furious　reaction。　

Suddenly；　it　was　just　more　than　I　could　handle—it　felt　as　if　all　of　my　sleepless　nights　were　crashing　down　
on　me　en　masse。　I　was　so　brutally　tired　that　I　thought　I　might　collapse　right　there　on　the　floor。　I　swayed　
unsteadily；　and　struggled　to　keep　my　eyes　open。　

〃Bella？〃　Jacob　whispered　anxiously。　He　caught　my　elbow　as　I　swayed　again；　and　steered　me　back　to　the　
bed。　My　legs　gave　out　when　I　reached　the　edge；　and　I　plopped　into　a　limp　heap　on　the　mattress。　

〃Hey；　are　you　okay？〃　Jacob　asked；　worry　creasing　his　forehead。　

I　looked　up　at　him；　the　tears　not　yet　dried　on　my　cheeks。　〃Why　in　the　world　would　I　be　okay；　Jacob？〃　

Anguish　replaced　some　of　the　bitterness　in　his　face。　〃Right；〃　he　agreed；　and　took　a　deep　breath。　〃Crap。　
Well…　I—I'm　so　sorry；　Bella。〃　The　apology　was　sincere；　no　doubt　about　it；　though　there　was　still　an　
angry　twist　to　his　features。　

〃Why　did　you　e　here？　I　don't　want　apologies　from　you；　Jake。〃　

〃I　know；〃　he　whispered。　〃But　I　couldn't　leave　things　the　way　I　did　this　afternoon。　Thar　was　horrible。　I'm　
sorry。〃　

I　shook　my　head　wearily。　〃I　don't　understand　anything。〃　

〃I　know。　I　want　to　explain—〃　He　broke　off　suddenly；　his　mouth　open；　almost　like　something　had　cut　off　
his　air。　Then　he　sucked　in　a　deep　breath。　〃But　I　can't　explain；〃　he　said；　still　angry。　〃I　wish　I　could。〃　

I　let　my　head　fall　into　my　hands。　My　question　came　out　muffled　by　my　arm。　〃Why？〃　

He　was　quiet　for　a　moment。　I　twisted　my　head　to　the　side—too　tired　to　hold　it　up—to　see　his　expression。　
It　surprised　me。　His　eyes　were　squinted；　his　teeth　clenched；　his　forehead　wrinkled　in　effort。　

〃What's　wrong？〃　I　asked。　

He　exhaled　heavily；　and　I　realized　he'd　been　holding　his　breath；　too。　〃I　can't　do　it；〃　he　muttered；　
frustrated。　

〃Do　what？〃　

He　ignored　my　question。　〃Look；　Bella；　haven't　you　ever　had　a　secret　that　you　couldn't　tell　anyone？〃　

He　looked　at　me　with　knowing　eyes；　and　my　thoughts　jumped　immediately　to　the　Cullens。　I　hoped　my　
expression　didn't　look　guilty。　

〃Something　you　felt　like　you　had　to　keep　from　Charlie；　from　your　mom…　？〃　he　pressed。　〃Something　you　
won't　even　talk　about　with　me？　Not　even　now？〃　

I　felt　my　eyes　tighten。　I　didn't　answer　his　question；　though　I　knew　he　would　take　that　as　a　confirmation。　

〃Can　you　understand　that　I　might　have　the　same　kind　of…　situation？〃　He　was　struggling　again；　seeming　to　
fight　for　the　right　words。　〃Sometimes；　loyalty　gets　in　the　way　of　what　you　want　to　do。　Sometimes；　it's　not　
your　secret　to　tell。〃　

So；　I　couldn't　argue　with　that。　He　was　exactly　right—I　had　a　secret　that　wasn't　mine　to　tell；　yet　a　secret　I　
felt　bound　to　protect。　A　secret　that；　suddenly；　he　seemed　to　know　all　about。　

I　still　didn't　see　how　it　applied　to　him；　or　Sam；　or　Billy。　What　was　it　to　them；　now　that　the　Cullens　were　
gone？　

〃I　don't　know　why　you　came　here；　Jacob；　if　you　were　just　going　to　give　me　riddles　instead　of　answers。〃　

〃I'm　sorry；〃　he　whispered。　〃This　is　so　frustrating。〃　

We　looked　at　each　other　for　a　long　moment　in　the　dark　room；　both　our　faces　hopeless。　

〃The　part　that　kills　me；〃　he　said　abruptly；　〃is　that　you　already　know。　I　already　told　yon　everything！〃　

〃What　are　you　talking　about？〃　

He　sucked　in　a　startled　breath；　and　then　leaned　toward　me；　his　face　shifting　from　hopelessness　to　blazing　
intensity　in　a　second。　He　stared　fiercely　into　my　eyes；　and　his　voice　was　fast　and　eager。　He　spoke　the　
words　right　into　my　face；　his　breath　was　as　hot　as　his　skin。　

〃I　think　I　see　a　way　to　make　this　work　out—because　you　know　this；　Bella！　I　can't　tell　you；　but　if　you　

guessed　it！　That　would　let　me　right　off　the　hook！〃　

〃You　want　me　to　guess？　Guess　what？〃　

〃My　secret！　You　can　do　it—you　know　the　answer！〃　

I　blinked　twice；　trying　to　clear　my　head。　I　was　so　tired。　Nothing　he　said　made　sense。　

He　took　in　my　blank　expression；　and　then　his　face　tensed　with　effort　again。　〃Hole　on；　let　me　see　if　I　give　
you　some　help；〃　he　said。　Whatever　he　was　trying　to　do；　it　was　so　hard　he　was　panting。　

〃Help？〃　I　asked；　trying　to　keep　up。　My　lids　wanted　to　slip　closed；　but　I　forced　them　open。　

〃Yeah；〃　he　said；　breathing　hard。　〃Like　clues。〃　

He　took　my　face　in　his　enormous；　toowarm　hands　and　held　it　just　a　few　inches　from　his。　He　stared　into　
my　eyes　while　he　whispered；　as　if　to　municate　something　besides　the　words　he　spoke。　

〃Remember　the　first　day　we　met—on　the　beach　in　La　Push？〃　

〃Of　course　I　do。〃　

〃Tell　me　about　it。〃　

I　took　a　deep　b