5 midnight sun午夜阳光-第22章

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n　a　car　with　her　my　throat　burned　at　the　thought。　I　took　a　deep　breath。　Get　used　to　it。　With　who？　she　asked；　her　eyes　wide　and　bewildered　again。

Myself；　obviously；　I　said　slowly。　Why？　Was　it　really　such　as　shock　that　I　would　want　her　pany？　the　worst　possible　meaning　to　my　past　behavior。　She　must　have　applied　Well；　I　said　as　casually　as　possible；　I　was　planning　to　go　to　Seattle　in　the　next　few　weeks；　and；　to　be　honest；　I　m　not　sure　if　your　truck　can　make　it。　It　seemed　safer　to　tease　her　than　to　allow　myself　to　be　serious。　My　truck　works　just　fine；　thank　you　very　much　for　your　concern；　she　said　in　the　same　surprised　voice。　She　started　walking　again。　I　kept　pace　with　her。　She　hadn　t　really　said　no；　so　I　pressed　that　advantage。　Would　she　say　no？　What　would　I　do　if　she　did？　But　can　your　truck　make　it　there　on　one　tank　of　gas？　I　don　t　see　how　that　is　any　of　your　business；　she　grumbled。　That　still　wasn　t　a　no。　more　quickly。　And　her　heart　was　beating　faster　again；　her　breath　ing　The　wasting　of　finite　resources　is　everyone　s　business。　Honestly；　Edward；　I　can　t　keep　up　with　you。　friend。　I　thought　you　didn　t　want　to　be　my　A　thrill　shot　through　me　when　she　spoke　my　name。　How　to　keep　it　light　and　yet　be　honest　at　the　same　time？　important　to　be　honest。　Especially　on　this　point。　Well；　it　was　more　I　said　it　would　be　better　if　we　weren　t　friends；　not　that　I　didn　t　want　to　be。　Oh；　thanks；　now　that　s　all　cleared　up；　she　said　sarcastically。　She　paused；　under　the　edge　of　the　cafeteria　s　roof；　and　met　my　gaze　again。　heartbeats　stuttered。　Was　she　afraid？　Her　I　chose　my　words　carefully。　No；　I　could　not　leave　her；　but　maybe　she　would　be　smart　enough　to　leave　me；　before　it　was　too　late。　It　would　be　more　prudent　for　you　not　to　be　my　friend。　Staring　into　the　melted　chocolate　depths　of　her　eyes；　I　lost　my　hold　on　light。　But　I　m　tired　of　trying　to　stay　away　from　you；　Bella。　The　words　burned　with　much　too　much　fervor。　Her　breathing　stopped　and；　in　the　second　it　took　for　it　to　restart；　that　worried　me。　How　much　had　I　scared　her？　Well；　I　would　find　out。　Will　you　go　to　Seattle　with　me？　I　demanded；　point　blank。　She　nodded；　her　heart　drumming　loudly。

Yes。　She　d　said　yes　to　me。　What　would　this　cost　her？　And　then　my　conscious　smote　me。　You　really　should　stay　away　from　me；　I　warned　her。　Did　she　hear　me？　Would　she　escape　the　future　I　was　threatening　her　with？　Couldn　t　I　do　anything　to　save　her　from　me？　Keep　it　light；　I　shouted　at　myself。　I　ll　see　you　in　class。　I　had　to　concentrate　to　stop　myself　from　running　as　I　fled。　6。　Blood　Type　I　followed　her　all　day　through　other　people　s　eyes；　barely　aware　of　my　own　surroundings。　Not　Mike　Newton　s　eyes；　because　I　couldn　t　stand　any　more　of　his　offensive　fantasies；　and　not　Jessica　Stanley　s；　because　her　resentment　toward　Bella　made　me　angry　in　a　way　that　was　not　safe　for　the　petty　girl。　Angela　Weber　was　a　good　choice　when　her　eyes　were　available；　she　was　kind　her　head　was　an　easy　place　to　be。　And　then　sometimes　it　was　the　teachers　who　provided　the　best　view。　I　was　surprised；　watching　her　stumble　through　the　day　tripping　over　cracks　in　the　sidewalk；　stray　books；　and；　most　often；　her　own　feet　that　the　people　I　eavesdropped　on　thought　of　Bella　as　clumsy。　I　considered　that。　It　was　true　that　she　often　had　trouble　staying　upright。　I　remembered　her　stumbling　into　the　desk　that　first　day；　sliding　around　on　the　ice　before　the　accident；　falling　over　the　low　lip　of　the　doorframe　yesterday　How　odd；　they　were　right。　She　was　clumsy。　I　didn　t　know　why　this　was　so　funny　to　me；　but　I　laughed　out　loud　as　I　walked　from

American　History　to　English　and　several　people　shot　me　wary　looks。　How　had　I　never　noticed　this　before？　Perhaps　because　there　was　something　very　graceful　about　her　in　stillness；　the　way　she　held　her　head；　the　arch　of　her　neck　There　was　nothing　graceful　about　her　now。　Mr。　Varner　watched　as　she　caught　the　toe　of　her　boot　on　the　carpet　and　literally　fell　into　her　chair。　I　laughed　again。　The　time　moved　with　incredible　sluggishness　while　I　waited　for　my　chance　to　see　her　with　my　own　eyes。　Finally；　the　bell　rang。　I　strode　quickly　to　the　cafeteria　to　secure　my　spot。　I　was　one　of　the　first　there。　I　chose　a　table　that　was　usually　empty；　and　was　sure　to　remain　that　way　with　me　seated　here。　When　my　family　entered　and　saw　me　sitting　alone　in　a　new　place；　they　were　not　surprised。　Alice　must　have　warned　them。　Rosalie　stalked　past　me　without　a　glance。　Idiot。　Rosalie　and　I　had　never　had　an　easy　relationship　I　d　offended　her　the　very　first　time　she　d　heard　me　speak；　and　it　was　downhill　from　there　but　it　seemed　like　she　was　even　more　illtempered　than　usual　the　last　few　days。　I　sighed。　Rosalie　made　everything　about　herself。　Jasper　gave　me　half　a　smile　as　he　walked　by。　Good　luck；　he　thought　doubtfully。　Emmett　rolled　his　eyes　and　shook　his　head。　Lost　his　mind；　poor　kid。　Alice　was　beaming；　her　teeth　shining　too　brightly。　Can　I　talk　to　Bella　now？？　Keep　out　of　it；　I　said　under　my　breath。　Her　face　fell；　and　then　brightened　again。　Fine。　Be　stubborn。　It　s　only　a　matter　of　time。　I　sighed　again。　Don　t　forget　about　today　s　biology　lab；　she　reminded　me。　I　nodded。　No；　I　hadn　t　forgotten　that。　Bella　to　arrive；　I　followed　her　in　the　eyes　of　the　freshman　who　Jessica　on　his　way　to　the　cafeteria。　Jessica　was　babbling　dance；　but　Bella　said　nothing　in　response。　Not　that　Jessica　chance。　While　I　waited　for　was　walking　behind　about　the　uping　gave　her　much　of　a　The　moment　Bella　walked　through　the　door；　her　eyes　flashed　to　the　table　where　my　siblings　sat。　She　stared　for　a　moment；　and　then　her　forehead　crumpled　and　her　eyes　dropped　to　the　floor。　She　hadn　t　noticed　me　here。

She　looked　so　sad。　I　felt　a　powerful　urge　to　get　up　and　go　to　her　side；　to　fort　her　somehow；　only　I　didn　t　know　what　she　would　find　forting。　I　had　no　idea　what　made　her　look　that　way。　Jessica　continued　to　jabber　about　the　dance。　Was　Bella　sad　that　she　was　going　to　miss　it？　That　didn　t　seem　likely　But　that　could　be　remedied；　if　she　wished。　She　bought　a　drink　for　her　lunch　and　nothing　else。　Was　that　right？　Didn　t　she　need　more　nutrition　than　that？　I　d　never　paid　much　attention　to　a　human　s　diet　before。　Humans　were　quite　exasperatingly　fragile！　There　were　a　million　different　things　to　worry　about　Edward　Cullen　is　staring　at　you　again；　I　heard　Jessica　say。　I　wonder　why　he　s　sitting　alone　today？　I　was　grateful　to　Jessica　though　she　was　even　more　resentful　now　because　Bella　s　head　snapped　up　and　her　eyes　searched　until　they　met　mine。　There　was　no　trace　of　sadness　in　her　face　now。　I　let　myself　hope　that　she　d　been　sad　because　she　d　thought　I　d　left　school　early；　and　that　hope　made　me　smile。　I　motioned　with　my　finger　for　her　to　join　me。　She　looked　so　startled　by　this　that　I　wanted　to　tease　her　again。　So　I　winked；　and　her　mouth　fell　open。　Does　he　mean　you？　Jessica　asked　rudely。　Maybe　he　needs　help　with　his　Biology　homework；　she　said　in　a　low；　uncertain　voice。　Um；　I　d　better　go　see　what　he　wants。　This　was　another　yes。　She　stumbled　twice　on　her　way　to　my　table；　though　there　was　nothing　in　her　way　but　perfectly　even　linoleum。　Seriously；　how　had　I　missed　this　before？　I　d　been　paying　more　attention　to　her　silent　thoughts；　I　supposed　What　else　had　I　missed？　Keep　it　honest；　keep　it　light；　I　chanted　to　myself。　She　stopped　behind　the　chair　across　from　me；　hesitating。　through　my　nose　this　time　rather　than　my　mouth。　Feel　the　burn；　I　thought　dryly。　Why　don　t　you　sit　with　me　today？　I　asked　her。　She　pulled　the　chair　out　and　sat；　staring　at　me　the　whole　while。　nervous；　but　her　physical　acceptance　was　yet　another　yes。　I　waited　for　her　to　speak。　It　took　a　moment；　but；　finally；　she　said；　This　is　different。　Well　I　hesitated。　do　it　thoroughly。　I　decided　as　long　as　I　was　going　to　hell；　I　might　as　well　She　seemed　I　inhaled　deeply；

What　had　made　me　say　that？　I　supposed　it　was　honest；　at　least。　And　perhaps　she　d　hear　the　unsubtle　warning　my　words　implied。　Maybe　she　would　realize　that　she　should　get　up　and　walk　away　as　quickly　as　possible　She　didn　t　get　up。　unfinished。　She　stared　at　me；　waiting；　as　if　I　d　left　my　sentence　You　know　I　don　t　have　any　idea　what　you　mean；　she　said　when　I　didn　t　continue。　That　was　a　relief。　I　know。　It　was　hard　to　ignore　the　thoughts　screaming　at　me　from　behind　her　back　and　I　wanted　to　change　the　subject　anyway。　I　think　your　friends　are　angry　at　me　for　stealing　you。　This　did　not　appear　to　concern　her。　They　ll　survive。　I　smiled。　I　may　not　give　you　back；　though。　I　didn　t　even　know　if　I　was　trying　to　be　honest　now；　or　just　trying　to　tease　her　again。　Being　near　her　made　it　hard　to　make　sense　of　my　own　thoughts。　Bella　swallowed　loudly。　I　laughed　at　her　expression。　funny　She　should　worry。　You　look　worried。　It　really　shouldn　t　be　Surprised；　So　No。　She　was　a　bad　liar；　it　didn　t　help　that　her　voice　broke。　actually　。　What　brought　this　on？　I　told　you；　I　reminded　her。　I　got　tired　of　trying　to　stay　away　from　you。　I　m　giving　up。　I　held　my　smile　in　place　with　a　bit　of　effort。　This　wasn　t　working　at　all　trying　to　be　honest　and　casual　at　the　same　time。　Giving　up？　she　repeated；　baffled。　Yes　giving　up　trying　to　be　good。　And；　apparently；　giving　up　trying　to　be　casual。　I　m　just　going　to　do　what　I　want　now；　and　let　the　chips　fall　where　they　may。　That　was　honest　enough。　Let　her　see　my　selfishness。　Let　that　warn　her；　too。　You　lost　me　again。　I　was　selfish　enough　to　be　glad　that　this　was　the　case。　when　I　m　talking　to　you　that　s　one　of　the　problems。　A　rather　insignificant　problem；　pared　to　the　rest。　Don　t　worry；　she　reassured　me。　I　don　t　understand　any　of　it。　Good。　Then　she　d　stay。　I　m　counting　on　that。　I　always　say　too　much　So；　in　plain　English；　are　we　friends　now？　I　pondered　that　for　a　second。　that。　It　wasn　t　enough。　Friends　I　repeated。　I　didn　t　like　the　sound　of

Or　not；　she　mumbled；　looking　embarrassed。　Did　she　think　I　didn　t　like　her　that　much？　I　smiled。　Well；　we　can　try；　I　suppose。　good　friend　for　you。　But　I　m　warning　you　now　that　I　m　not　a　I　waited　for　her　response；　torn　in　two　wishing　she　would　finally　hear　and　understand；　thinking　I　might　die　if　she　did。　How　melodramatic。　I　was　turning　into　such　a　human。　Her　heart　beat　faster。　You　say　that　a　lot。　I　m　still　Yes；　because　you　re　not　listening　to　me；　I　said；　too　intense　again。　waiting　for　you　to　believe　it。　If　you　re　smart；　you　ll　avoid　me。　Ah；　but　would　I　allow　her　to　do　that；