5 midnight sun午夜阳光-第30章

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　all。　I　used　to　be　the　responsible　one。　I　sighed；　but　crept　out　into　the　sunshine；　regardless。　I　avoided　looking　at　myself　in　the　sun　s　glare。　It　was　bad　enough　that　my　skin　was　stone　and　inhuman　in　shadow；　I　didn　t　want　to　look　at　Bella　and　myself　side　by　side　in　the　sunlight。　The　difference　between　us　was　already　insurmountable；　painful　enough　without　this　image　also　in　my　head。　But　I　couldn　t　ignore　the　rainbow　sparkles　that　reflected　onto　her　skin　when　I　got　closer。　My　jaw　locked　at　the　sight。　Could　I　be　any　more　of　a　freak？　terror　if　she　opened　her　eyes　now　I　imagined　her　I　started　to　retreat；　but　she　mumbled　again；　holding　me　there。　Mmm　Mmm。　Well；　I　would　wait　for　a　bit。　Nothing　intelligible。　I　carefully　stole　her　book；　stretching　my　arm　out　and　holding　my　breath　while　I　was　close；　just　in　case。　I　started　breathing　again　when　I　was　a　few　yards　away；　tasting　the　way　the　sunshine　and　open　air　affected　her　scent。　The　heat　seemed　to　sweeten　the　smell。

My　throat　flamed　with　desire；　the　fire　fresh　and　fierce　again　because　I　had　been　away　from　her　for　too　long。　I　spent　a　moment　controlling　that；　and　then　forcing　myself　to　breathe　through　my　nose　I　let　her　book　fall　open　in　my　hands。　She　d　started　with　the　first　book　I　flipped　through　the　pages　quickly　to　the　third　chapter　of　Sense　and　Sensibility；　searching　for　something　potentially　offensive　in　Austen　s　overly　polite　prose。　When　my　eyes　stopped　automatically　at　my　name　the　character　Edward　Ferrars　being　introduced　for　the　first　time　Bella　spoke　again。　Mmm。　Edward。　She　sighed。　This　time　I　did　not　fear　that　she　had　awoken。　Her　voice　was　just　a　low；　wistful　murmur。　Not　the　scream　of　fear　it　would　have　been　if　she　d　seen　me　now。　Joy　warred　with　selfloathing。　Edmund。　Edmund？　Ha！　She　wasn　t　dreaming　of　me　at　all；　I　realized　blackly。　The　selfloathing　returned　in　force。　She　was　dreaming　of　fictional　characters。　So　much　for　my　conceit。　I　replaced　her　book；　and　stole　back　into　the　cover　of　the　shadows　where　I　belonged。　The　afternoon　passed　and　I　watched；　feeling　helpless　again；　as　the　sun　slowly　sank　in　the　sky　and　the　shadows　crawled　across　the　lawn　toward　her。　I　wanted　to　push　them　back；　but　the　darkness　was　inevitable；　the　shadows　took　her。　When　the　light　was　gone；　her　skin　looked　too　pale　ghostly。　Her　hair　was　dark　again；　almost　black　against　her　face。　It　was　a　frightening　thing　to　watch　like　witnessing　Alice　s　visions　e　to　fruition。　Bella　s　steady；　strong　heartbeat　was　the　only　reassurance；　the　sound　that　kept　this　moment　from　feeling　like　a　nightmare。　I　was　relieved　when　her　father　arrived　home。　I　could　hear　little　from　him　as　he　drove　down　the　street　toward　the　house。　Some　vague　annoyance　in　the　past；　something　from　his　day　at　work。　Expectation　mixed　with　hunger　I　guessed　that　he　was　looking　forward　to　dinner。　But　his　thoughts　were　so　quiet　and　contained　that　I　could　not　be　sure　I　was　right；　I　only　got　the　gist　of　them。　I　wondered　what　her　mother　sounded　like　what　the　geic　bination　had　been　that　had　formed　her　so　uniquely。　Bella　started　awake；　jerking　up　to　a　sitting　position　when　the　tires　of　her　father　s　car　hit　the　brick　driveway。　She　stared　around　herself；　seeming　confused　by　the　unexpected　darkness。　For　one　brief　moment；　her　eyes　touched　the　shadows　where　I　hid；　but　they　flickered　quickly　away。　Charlie？　she　asked　in　a　low　voice；　still　peering　into　the　trees　surrounding　the　Ahh。　Too　。close　She　was　still　dreaming　of　me；　at　least。

small　yard。　The　door　of　his　car　slammed　shut；　and　she　looked　to　the　sound。　She　got　to　her　feet　quickly　and　gathered　her　things；　casting　one　more　look　back　toward　the　woods。　I　moved　into　a　tree　closer　to　the　back　window　near　the　small　kitchen；　and　listened　to　their　evening。　It　was　interesting　to　pare　Charlie　s　words　to　his　muffled　thoughts。　His　love　and　concern　for　his　only　daughter　were　nearly　overwhelming；　and　yet　his　words　were　always　terse　and　casual。　Most　of　the　time；　they　sat　in　panionable　silence。　I　heard　her　discuss　her　plans　for　the　following　evening　in　Port　Angeles；　and　I　refined　my　own　plans　as　I　listened。　Jasper　had　not　warned　Peter　and　Charlotte　to　stay　clear　of　Port　Angeles。　Though　I　knew　that　they　had　fed　recently　and　had　no　intention　of　hunting　any　where　in　the　vicinity　of　our　home；　I　would　watch　her；　just　in　case。　After　all；　there　were　always　others　of　my　kind　out　there。　And　then；　all　those　human　dangers　that　I　had　never　much　considered　before　now。　I　heard　her　worry　aloud　about　leaving　her　father　to　prepare　dinner　alone；　and　smiled　at　this　proof　to　my　theory　yes；　she　was　a　caretaker。　And　then　I　left；　knowing　I　would　return　when　she　was　asleep。　I　would　not　trespass　on　her　privacy　the　way　the　peeping　tom　would　have。　I　was　here　for　her　protection；　not　to　leer　at　her　in　the　way　Mike　Newton　no　doubt　would；　were　he　agile　enough　to　move　through　the　treetops　the　way　I　could。　I　would　not　treat　her　so　crassly。　My　house　was　empty　when　I　returned；　which　was　fine　by　me。　I　didn　t　miss　the　confused　or　disparaging　thoughts；　questioning　my　sanity。　Emmett　had　left　a　note　stuck　to　the　newel　post。　Football　at　the　Rainier　field　c　mon！　Please？　The　teams　were　even　I　found　a　pen　and　scrawled　the　word　sorry　beneath　his　plea。　without　me；　in　any　case。　I　went　for　the　shortest　of　hunting　trips；　contenting　myself　with　the　smaller；　gentler　creatures　that　did　not　taste　as　good　as　the　hunters；　and　then　changed　into　fresh　clothes　before　I　ran　back　to　Forks。　Bella　did　not　sleep　as　well　tonight。　She　thrashed　in　her　blankets；　her　face　sometimes　worried；　sometimes　sad。　I　wondered　what　nightmare　haunted　her　and　then　realized　that　perhaps　I　really　didn　t　want　to　know。　When　she　spoke；　she　mostly　muttered　derogatory　things　about　Forks　in　a　glum　voice。　Only　once；　when　she　sighed　out　the　words　e　back　and　her　hand　twitched　open　a　wordless　plea　did　I　have　a　chance　to　hope　she　might　be　dreaming　of　me。　The　next　day　of　school；　the　last　day　the　sun　would　hold　me　prisoner；　was　much　the　same　as　the　day　before。　Bella　seemed　even　gloomier　than　yesterday；　and　I　wondered　if　she　would　bow　out　of　her　plans　she　didn　t　seem　in　the　mood。　But；　being　Bella；　she　would　probably　put　her　friends　enjoyment　above　that　of　her　own。　She　wore　a　deep　blue　blouse　today；　and　the　color　set　her　skin　off　perfectly；　making　it　look　like　fresh　cream。　School　ended；　and　Jessica　agreed　to　pick　the　other　girls　up　Angela　was　going；　too；

for　which　I　was　grateful。　I　went　home　to　get　my　car。　When　I　found　that　Peter　and　Charlotte　were　there；　I　decided　could　afford　to　give　the　girls　an　hour　or　so　for　a　head　start。　I　would　never　be　able　to　bear　following　behind　them；　driving　at　the　speed　limit　hideous　thought。　I　came　in　through　the　kitchen；　nodding　vaguely　at　Emmett　s　and　Esme　s　greetings　as　I　passed　by　everyone　in　the　front　room　and　went　straight　to　the　piano。　Ugh；　he　s　back。　Rosalie；　of　course。　Ah；　Edward。　I　hate　to　see　him　suffering　so。　Esme　s　joy　was　being　marred　by　concern。　She　should　be　concerned。　This　love　story　she　envisioned　for　me　was　careening　toward　a　tragedy　more　perceptibly　every　moment。　Have　fun　in　Port　Angeles　tonight；　Alice　thought　cheerfully。　allowed　to　talk　to　Bella。　Let　me　know　when　I　m　You　re　pathetic。　I　can　t　believe　you　missed　the　game　last　night　just　to　watch　somebody　sleep；　Emmett　grumbled。　Jasper　paid　me　no　mind；　even　when　the　song　I　played　came　out　a　little　more　stormily　than　I　d　intended。　It　was　an　old　song；　with　a　familiar　theme：　impatience。　Jasper　was　saying　goodbye　to　his　friends；　who　eyed　me　curiously。　What　a　strange　creature；　the　Alicesized；　whiteblond　Charlotte　was　thinking。　he　was　so　normal　and　pleasant　the　last　time　we　met。　Peter　s　thoughts　were　in　sync　with　hers；　as　was　usually　the　case。　It　must　be　the　animals。　The　lack　of　human　blood　drives　them　mad　eventually；　he　was　concluding。　His　hair　was　just　as　fair　as　hers；　and　almost　as　long。　They　were　very　similar　except　for　size；　as　he　was　almost　as　tall　as　Jasper　in　both　look　and　thought。　A　well　matched　pair；　I　d　always　thought。　Everyone　but　Esme　stopped　thinking　about　me　after　a　moment；　and　I　played　in　more　subdued　tones　so　that　I　would　not　attract　notice。　I　did　not　pay　attention　to　them　for　a　long　while；　just　letting　the　music　distract　me　from　my　unease。　It　was　hard　to　have　the　girl　out　of　sight　and　mind。　I　only　returned　my　attention　to　their　conversation　when　the　goodbyes　grew　more　final。　If　you　see　Maria　again；　Jasper　was　saying；　a　little　warily；　tell　her　I　wish　her　well。　Maria　was　the　vampire　who　had　created　both　Jasper　and　Peter　Jasper　in　the　latter　half　of　the　nieenth　century；　Peter　more　recently；　in　the　nieen　forties。　She　d　looked　Jasper　up　once　when　we　were　in　Calgary。　It　had　been　an　eventful　visit　we　d　had　to　move　immediately。　Jasper　had　politely　asked　her　to　keep　her　distance　in　the　future。　I　don　t　imagine　that　will　happen　soon；　Peter　said　with　a　laugh　Maria　was　undeniable　dangerous　and　there　was　not　much　love　lost　between　her　and　Peter。　Peter　had；　after　all；　been　instrumental　in　Jasper　s　defection。　Jasper　had　always　been　Maria　s　favorite；　she　considered　it　a　minor　detail　that　she　had　once　planned　to　kill　him。　But；　should　it　happen；　I　certainly　will。　And

They　were　shaking　hands　then；　preparing　to　depart。　I　let　the　song　I　was　playing　trail　off　to　an　unsatisfying　end；　and　got　hastily　to　my　feet。　Charlotte；　Peter；　I　said；　nodding。　It　was　nice　to　see　you　again；　Edward；　Charlotte　said　doubtfully。　nodded　in　return。　Madman；　Emmett　threw　after　me。　Idiot；　Rosalie　thought　at　the　same　time。　Poor　boy。　Esme。　No　where　Peter　just　And　Alice；　in　a　chiding　tone。　They　re　going　straight　east；　to　Seattle。　near　Port　Angeles。　She　showed　me　the　proof　in　her　visions。　I　pretended　I　hadn　t　heard　that。　My　excuses　were　already　flimsy　enough。　Once　in　my　car；　I　felt　more　relaxed；　the　robust　purr　of　the　engine　Rosalie　had　boosted　for　me　last　year；　when　she　was　in　a　better　mood　was　soothing。　It　was　a　relief　to　be　in　motion；　to　know　that　I　was　getting　closer　to　Bella　with　every　mile　that　flew　away　under　my　tires。　9。　Port　Angeles　It　was　too　bright　for　me　to　drive　into　town　when　I　got　to　Port　Angeles；　the　sun　was　still　too　high　overhead；　and；　though　my　windows　were　tinted　dark；　there　was　no　reason　to　take　unnecessary　risks。　More　unnecessary　risks；　I　should　say。　I　was　certain　I　would　be　able　to　find　Jessica　s　thoughts　from　a　distance　Jessica　s　thoughts　were　louder　than　A