5 midnight sun午夜阳光-第34章

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was　waiting　for　something　from　me。　Ah；　she　d　asked　for　our　drink　order。　I　continued　to　stare　at　Bella；　and　the　waitress　grudgingly　turned　to　look　at　her；　too。　I　ll　have　a　coke？　Bella　said；　as　if　asking　for　approval。　Two　cokes；　I　amended。　Thirst　normal；　human　thirst　was　a　sign　of　shock。　make　sure　she　had　the　extra　sugar　from　the　soda　in　her　system。　She　looked　healthy；　though。　More　than　healthy。　She　looked　radiant。　I　was　vaguely　aware　I　would　What？　she　demanded　wondering　why　I　was　staring；　I　guessed。　that　the　waitress　had　left。　How　are　you　feeling？　I　asked。　She　blinked；　surprised　by　the　question。　You　don　t　feel　dizzy；　sick；　cold？　She　was　even　more　confused　now。　Should　I？　I　m　fine。

Well；　I　actually　I　m　waiting　for　you　to　go　into　shock。　her　denial。　She　would　not　want　to　be　taken　care　of。　I　halfsmiled；　expecting　She　looked　It　took　her　a　minute　to　answer　me。　Her　eyes　were　slightly　unfocused。　that　way　sometimes；　when　I　smiled　at　her。　Was　she　dazzled？　I　would　love　to　believe　that。　I　don　t　think　that　will　happen。　I　ve　always　been　very　good　at　repressing　unpleasant　things；　she　answered；　a　little　breathless。　Did　she　have　a　lot　of　practice　with　unpleasant　things；　then？　this　hazardous？　Just　the　same；　I　told　her。　in　you。　Was　her　life　always　I　ll　feel　better　when　you　have　some　sugar　and　food　The　waitress　returned　with　the　cokes　and　a　basket　of　bread。　She　put　them　in　front　of　me；　and　asked　for　my　order；　trying　to　catch　my　eye　in　the　process。　I　indicated　that　she　should　attend　to　Bella；　and　then　went　back　to　tuning　her　out。　She　had　a　vulgar　mind。　Um　Bella　glanced　quickly　at　the　menu。　I　ll　have　the　mushroom　ravioli。　The　waitress　turned　back　to　me　eagerly。　Nothing　for　me。　Bella　made　a　slight　face。　Hmm。　She　must　have　noticed　that　I　never　ate　food。　noticed　everything。　And　I　always　forgot　to　be　careful　around　her。　I　waited　till　we　were　alone　again。　Drink；　I　insisted。　I　was　surprised　when　she　plied　immediately　and　without　objection。　She　drank　until　the　glass　was　entirely　empty；　so　I　pushed　the　second　coke　toward　her；　frowning　a　little。　Thirst；　or　shock？　She　drank　a　little　more；　and　then　shuddered　once。　Are　you　cold？　It　s　just　the　coke；　she　said；　but　she　shivered　again；　her　lips　trembling　slightly　as　if　her　teeth　were　about　to　chatter。　The　pretty　blouse　she　wore　looked　too　thin　to　protect　her　adequately；　it　clung　to　her　like　a　second　skin；　almost　as　fragile　as　the　first。　She　was　so　frail；　so　mortal。　Don　t　you　have　a　jacket？　Yes。　car。　She　looked　around　herself；　a　little　perplexed。　Oh　I　left　it　in　Jessica　s　She　And　you？　I　pulled　off　my　jacket；　wishing　that　the　gesture　was　not　marred　by　my　body　temperature。　It　would　have　been　nice　to　have　been　able　to　offer　her　a　warm　coat。　She　stared　at　me；　her　cheeks　warming　again。　What　was　she　thinking　now？　I　handed　her　the　jacket　across　the　table；　and　she　put　it　on　at　once；　and　then　shuddered　again。

Yes；　it　would　be　very　nice　to　be　warm。　Thanks；　she　said。　She　took　a　deep　breath；　and　then　pushed　the　toolong　sleeves　back　to　free　her　hands。　She　took　another　deep　breath。　Was　the　evening　finally　settling　in？　Her　color　was　still　good；　her　skin　was　cream　and　roses　against　the　deep　blue　of　her　shirt。　That　color　blue　looks　lovely　with　your　skin；　I　plimented　her。　Just　being　honest。　She　flushed；　enhancing　the　effect。　She　looked　well；　but　there　was　no　point　in　taking　chances。　bread　toward　her。　Really；　she　objected；　guessing　my　motives。　I　pushed　the　basket　of　I　m　not　going　into　shock。　You　should　be　a　normal　person　would　be。　You　don　t　even　look　shaken。　I　stared　at　her；　disapproving；　wondering　why　she　couldn　t　be　normal　and　then　wondering　if　really　wanted　her　to　be　that　way。　I　feel　very　safe　with　you；　she　said；　her　eyes；　again；　filled　with　trust。　I　didn　t　deserve。　Trust　Her　instincts　were　all　wrong　backwards。　That　must　be　the　problem。　She　didn　t　recognize　danger　the　way　a　human　being　should　be　able　to。　She　had　the　opposite　reaction。　Instead　of　running；　she　lingered；　drawn　to　what　should　frighten　her　How　could　I　protect　her　from　myself　when　neither　of　us　wanted　that？　This　is　more　plicated　than　I　d　planned；　I　murmured。　I　could　see　her　turning　my　words　over　in　her　head；　and　I　wondered　what　she　made　of　them。　She　took　a　breadstick　and　began　to　eat　without　seeming　aware　of　the　action。　She　chewed　for　a　moment；　and　then　leaned　her　head　to　one　side　thoughtfully。　Usually　you　re　in　a　better　mood　when　your　eyes　are　so　light；　she　said　in　a　casual　tone。　Her　observation；　stated　so　matter　of　factly；　left　me　reeling。　What？　I　have　a　I　felt　a　deep　You　re　always　crabbier　when　your　eyes　are　black　I　expect　it　then。　theory　about　that；　she　added　lightly。　So　she　had　e　up　with　her　own　explanation。　Of　course　she　had。　sense　of　dread　as　I　wondered　how　close　she　d　e　to　the　truth。　More　theories？　Mmhm。　She　chewed　on　another　bite；　entirely　nonchalant。　As　if　she　weren　t　discussing　the　aspects　of　a　monster　with　the　monster　himself。　I　hope　you　were　more　creative　this　time　I　lied　when　she　didn　t　continue。　What　I　really　hoped　was　that　she　was　wrong　miles　wide　of　the　mark。　still　stealing　from　ic　books？　Or　are　you

Well；　no；　I　didn　t　get　it　from　a　ic　book；　she　said；　a　little　embarrassed。　But　I　didn　t　e　up　with　it　on　my　own；　either。　And？　I　asked　between　my　teeth。　Surely　should　would　not　speak　so　calmly　if　she　were　about　to　scream。　As　she　hesitated；　biting　her　lip；　the　waitress　reappeared　with　Bella　s　food。　I　paid　the　server　little　attention　as　she　set　the　plate　in　front　of　Bella　and　then　asked　if　I　wanted　anything。　I　declined；　but　asked　for　more　coke。　glasses。　She　took　them　and　left。　The　waitress　hadn　t　noticed　the　empty　You　were　saying？　I　prompted　anxiously　as　soon　as　we　were　alone　again。　I　ll　tell　you　about　it　in　the　car；　she　said　in　a　low　voice。　Ah；　this　would　be　bad。　She　wasn　t　willing　to　speak　her　guesses　around　others。　If　she　tacked　on　suddenly。　There　are　conditions？　I　was　so　tense　I　almost　growled　the　words。　I　do　have　a　few　questions；　of　course。　Of　course；　I　agreed；　my　voice　hard。　Her　questions　would　probably　be　enough　to　tell　me　where　her　thoughts　were　heading。　But　how　would　I　answer　them？　With　responsible　lies？　Or　would　I　drive　her　away　with　truth？　Or　would　I　say　nothing；　unable　to　decide？　We　sat　in　silence　while　the　waitress　replenished　her　supply　of　soda。　Well；　go　ahead；　I　said；　jaw　locked；　when　she　was　gone。　Why　are　you　in　Port　Angeles？　That　was　too　easy　a　question　for　her。　It　gave　away　nothing；　while　my　answer；　if　truthful；　would　give　away　much　too　much。　Let　her　reveal　something　first。　Next；　I　said。　But　that　s　the　easiest　one！　Next；　I　said　again。　She　was　frustrated　by　my　refusal。　She　looked　away　from　me；　down　to　her　food。　Slowly；　thinking　hard；　she　took　a　bite　and　chewed　with　deliberation。　She　washed　it　down　with　more　coke；　and　then　finally　looked　up　at　me。　Her　eyes　were　narrow　with　suspicion。　Okay　then；　she　said。　Let　s　say；　hypothetically；　of　course；　that　someone　could　know　what　people　are　thinking；　read　minds；　you　know　with　just　a　few　exceptions。　It　could　be　worse。　This　explained　that　little　halfsmile　in　the　car。　She　was　quick　no　one　else　had　ever　guessed　this　about　me。　Except　for　Carlisle；　and　it　had　been　rather　obvious　then；　in　the　beginning；　when　I　d　answered　all　his　thoughts　as　if　he　d　spoken　them　to　me。　He　d　understood　before　I　had

This　question　wasn　t　so　bad。　While　it　was　clear　that　she　knew　that　there　was　something　wrong　with　me；　was　not　as　serious　as　it　could　have　been。　Mindreading　was；　after　all；　not　a　facet　of　the　vampire　cannon。　I　went　along　with　her　hypothesis。　Just　one　exception；　I　corrected。　Hypothetically。　She　fought　a　smile　my　vague　honesty　pleased　her。　All　right；　with　one　exception；　then。　How　does　that　work？　What　are　the　limitations？　How　would　that　someone　find　someone　else　at　exactly　the　right　time？　How　would　he　know　that　she　was　in　trouble？　Hypothetically？　Sure。　Her　lips　twitched；　and　her　liquid　brown　eyes　were　eager。　If　that　someone　Well；　I　hesitated。　Let　s　call　him　Joe；　she　suggested。　I　had　to　smile　at　her　enthusiasm。　Did　she　really　think　the　truth　would　be　a　good　thing？　If　my　secrets　were　pleasant；　why　would　I　keep　them　from　her？　Joe；　then；　I　agreed。　If　Joe　had　been　paying　attention；　the　timing　wouldn　t　have　needed　to　be　quite　so　exact。　I　shook　my　head　and　repressed　a　shudder　at　the　thought　of　how　close　I　had　been　to　being　too　late　today。　Only　you　could　get　into　trouble　in　a　town　this　small。　You　would　have　devastated　their　crime　rate　statistics　for　a　decade；　you　know。　Her　lips　turned　down　at　the　corners；　and　pouted　out。　hypothetical　case。　I　laughed　at　her　irritation。　Her　lips；　her　skin　They　looked　so　soft。　I　wanted　to　touch　them。　press　my　fingertip　against　the　corner　of　her　frown　and　turn　it　up。　My　skin　would　be　repellent　to　her。　I　wanted　to　Impossible。　We　were　speaking　of　a　Yes；　we　were；　I　said；　returning　to　the　conversation　before　I　could　depress　myself　too　thoroughly。　Shall　we　call　you　Jane　？　She　leaned　across　the　table　toward　me；　all　humor　and　irritation　gone　from　her　wide　eyes。　How　did　you　know？　she　asked；　her　voice　low　and　intense。　Should　I　tell　her　the　truth？　I　wanted　to　tell　her。　face。　And；　if　so；　what　portion？　I　wanted　to　deserve　the　trust　I　could　still　see　on　her　You　can　trust　me；　you　know；　she　whispered；　and　she　reached　one　hand　forward　as　if　to　touch　my　hands　where　they　rested　on　top　of　the　empty　table　before　me。　I　pulled　them　back　hating　the　thought　of　her　reaction　to　my　frigid　stone　skin　and　she　dropped　her　hand。

I　knew　that　I　could　trust　her　with　protecting　my　secrets；　she　was　entirely　trustworthy；　good　to　the　core。　But　I　couldn　t　trust　her　not　to　be　horrified　by　them。　She　should　be　horrified。　The　truth　was　horror。　I　don　t　know　if　I　have　a　choice　anymore；　I　murmured。　I　remembered　that　I　d　once　teased　her　by　calling　her　exceptionally　unobservant。　Offended　her；　if　I　d　been　judging　her　expressions　correctly。　Well；　I　could　right　that　one　injustice；　at　least。　I　was　wrong　you　re　much　more　observant　than　I　gave　you　credit　for。　And；　though　she　might　not　realize　it；　I　d　given　her　plenty　of　credit　already。　She　missed　nothing。　I　thought　you　were　always　right；　she　said；　smiling　as　she　teased　me。　I　used　to　be。　I　used　to　know　what　I　was　doing。　course。　And　now　everything　was　chaos　and　tumult。　I　used　to　be　always　sure　of　my　Not　if　the　Yet　I　wouldn　t　trade　it。　I　didn　t　want　the　life　that　made　sense。　chaos　meant　that　I　could　be　with　B